What do you do when….

you have a friend who is really messed up but you can’t really help? I have a friend, a long lost friend that I recently reconnected with. I have been really happy to find her. We had a very unique and special friendship, borne out of a nasty situation and a mutual hatred of an evil person.

She has had a crap year, to put it very mildly and has all manner of bad luck thrown at her ranging from illness to divorce to, well, I really can’t say, but something that doesn’t happen every day.

I want to help her, be there for her. She has soldiered through much of this terrible stuff on her own.  Her mother has Alzheimer’s and her dad has his hands full taking care of her.  My friend didn’t tell them about her illness, not wanting to cause her mother any stress, or her father. A very unselfish thing to do. I can’t imagine how difficult it was for her. She said no one at her job had any idea about it. And yet she continued on.

Today, she got the latest blow in a series of really traumatic events and she was gobsmacked to say the least. She was completely blindsided by this and is in a real funk, as she puts it.  She lives in a different state , several over from me. I want to jump on a plane and go and see her, just to be a shoulder for her to cry on or take her out to a movie, but this is hardly the time of year I can do that.

she recently relocated for her job, so she really is all alone in that new city, which is never good when you’re in a low point in your life.

We talk on the phone, email, and chat online. I just listen to her talk about her problems, I can tell she needs that. She told me that I”m the only one who knows about all of it and I am honored that she trusts me with all of this. It’s difficult because I do want to help her and I don’t feel like I”m doing enough.  I have sent her a necklace, a pretty sterling silver cross that says “Live by faith, not by sight’ because sometimes, that’s really what you have to do. I just hate it because I am a doer.  I want to do something to help my friends, and I guess, maybe just by being here for her I am, but it just seems so insignificant to me when her struggles are so great right now.

If you were in my shoes, what would you do? she is really stressed and is about at the end of her rope.  As she put it to me today, fried/wrung out/drained/tired/done.

***UPDATE***

I talked to my friend yesterday and she got vindication in one situation that had been causing her a serious amount of stress.  She also received a phone call and was able to obtain closure in another situation.  Needless to say, both of these things, especially coming on the same day, were really fantastic for her. She feels like a weight has been lifted, I could hear it in her voice. It made me happy too, to hear her sounding  more like her old self again.

Merry Christmas, now listen to NIKE and do it!

I know you’ve passed by those Angel trees, bell ringers, and collection boxes and thought, ‘I wish I had the time/money/canned goods to give, but I”m just too busy/broke/distracted right now.’  Well guess what? You are not too broke to toss a couple of coins in the kettle or buy an extra can of corn or a little toy for someone in need. What are you waiting for?  Do what Nike has been telling you to do for years! DO IT! and btw, DO IT NOW!!!!

I think I posted about adopting angels from our local Salvation Army angel tree. I did it and I went back two more times for more names.  There were just so many still there, I couldn’t bear the thought of children not having a gift on Christmas.  Or the stress of the parent worrying about it.

I wanted to do more for more people.  I knew I could do better.  I had some old tangled up, mismatched, ugly old jewelry that I’d been meaning to take to a gold buyer here in town and today, I was on a mission.  I was there before they opened the doors and walked out with a lot more money than I thought. It allowed me to take 4 more angels from the tree. I also read in the news today that our Toys for Tots program is 11000 toys short this year.

I made my plan and I went for it. I bought warm hats and gloves for all of my angels. It’s really cold here right now, it won’t stay this way all winter (I hope) but it’s always good to have the things you need when you need them. I bought them warm fleece pull-overs and shirts and some toys. I am taking my children today when they get home from school to pick out toys for the older children, the ones their ages. I want them to understand that not everyone is as fortunate as we are. They are young, but not too young to understand helping people in need. I sent with them to school today, 15 pairs of gloves for the hat/scarf/mitten tree for children in our school district.

I had a surprising response when I took the gifts for the last 4 angels I got today. I had a big green net bag slung over my shoulder, feeling rather like Santa, minus the red suit, beard, big belly and other things 😉 and stood for a moment watching the girls unpack the gifts and sort them into piles. It really struck me how something like that will affect so many other people.  The children, of course, but the rest of their family as well. They will see that people care about them and want them to have a good Christmas. As I watched the girls doing their magic, it really brought tears to my eyes seeing what I had done for these kids and made my heart expand, kind of like on the ‘Grinch’ at the end when his heart grows. I dont’ think I’ve ever been the Grinch, but we just get so wrapped up in ourselves that it’s hard to see beyond our own lives and how our actions can help others. Almost like the forest and the trees. We are so focused on our ‘trees’ that we fail to see the ‘forest’ beyond that maybe suffering.

I am just so full of hope and love right now, I can’t explain it.  It may sound corny, but it’s true. I wish everyone could have a roof over their heads, food in the pantry and good clothes to wear. If I could do anything about it, I would. I will continue to do what I can every chance I get.

If I can motivate only one other person to do something for someone in need, my job is done.  I’m encouraging you to put a toy in the box, put some coins in the red kettle, take a name from the angel tree, put some groceries in the collection box at the store.  Do something, even in some small way, to make our world a better place. It’s really pretty ugly right now, with our economy still being pretty rough an unemployment numbers in double digits, there are more people than ever in need. If you are reading this, that means you have a computer and you can do something. Even if it’s digging under the couch cushions for loose change, that 37 cents may not do much for you, but put it in the kettle with the other money that people have put in and it can do great things.  Just DO SOMETHING. You’ll feel  better for it, I promise.  You’ll feel lighter, happier even, knowing that you have made a difference, no matter how small, in the life of another person.

Merry Christmas

Something to make you think

In the past, we’ve adopted an angel for Christmas from the Salvation Army Angel Tree.  It’s been a while since we’ve done it, so I thought it would be a good thing to do again, especially considering the climate we live in these days: increasing numbers of jobless, influenza epidemic, recession.

I went today to our mall and chose two angels, the same ages and genders as my children. I want them to help pick out some things for them, to see that not everyone is as fortunate as we are.  The lady working there told me there are seniors on there as well. I chose a 65-year-old gentleman.  I probably should have chosen someone my dad’s age, but this man for whatever reason, caught my attention.  The only thing this dear older man wants is clothes, so nice warm clothes he shall receive.

What really breaks my heart is the number of angels that remain on the tree.  There were so many on the tree, and even more on a table in a little divider separated by gender and age.  They had tags for entire families as well.  Thinking about it now, I should’ve picked  a family so that everyone would get something. I will feel really bad if the children I chose get something and their siblings don’t.

Being the mom that I am, I picked out some warm clothing, hats, gloves, fleece pullovers. I can’t bear the thought of children being cold in winter. I will have my children help pick out toys for them. Who knows, I may even go back and adopt a family. It just makes my heart hurt to see so many people in need, real, true, desperate need. If it was allowed, I’d send some groceries with the gifts, but maybe instead I’ll just send some little candies.

Seeing something like this tree always makes me realize exactly how fortunate I am and makes me want to do more for the people who are in need.

I’m asking you now, if you are reading this post, go to your local mall, or wherever the angel tree is, choose an angel and make someone’s Christmas a little bit better. Drop some coins in that red kettle, put a toy or some groceries in the collection box.  Something that may be really small to you can be something really great to someone in need.

Can you imagine what it would be like to wake up on Christmas to find nothing under the tree, if you even have a tree that is. Or worse yet, have nothing in the pantry to eat. If you are able, please go pick an angel, child or adult, and do what you can to help. Even a little bit is better than nothing.

Merry Christmas

***Update***

I am on my way to return some of the useless, extraneous gifts I bought for my family and use the money to help more people.  They have a tree at my children’s school for hats/gloves/scarves for children within our school district who are in need.  I am also seriously considering adopting a family from the angel tree and getting each of them something and including a gift card from one of our local grocery stores.  They’ll get food from the Salvation Army for Christmas, but what happens after Christmas? That is my mission right now, to help as many people in and around my community as I can. I want everyone to know the spirit of Christmas and that even people who don’t know them care about them.