Confessions of an Unintentional Domestic Goddess

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Why now?

Sorry gang, this is a rant. I’m kinda pissed right now and for me, to just get it all out there helps me feel better and get over it, so grab a glass of wine and hang on.

I graduated high school in 1985, which puts us at the 25 year mark this year. I was on the planning committee for our 20th reunion. We started with at least a dozen, maybe 18 people on the committee. But as with any committee, it starts out strong and ends up with only a handful of people doing all of the work, for the benefit of everyone. We worked really hard and I think it turned out well, we had a good time and a pretty good turn out. When it was over, several people were asking us about a 25. The committee chair and I both said, there wont’ be a 25, if you want one, you plan it!

Flash forward to last fall. A classmate of mine who was unable to attend either the 10 or 20, thought we really should mark the quarter century mark with a big party. She asked for assistance in the form of a committee. A few people offered, but never really came through. I offered to assist in any way that I could. Key word being assist. Yeah, right. You know where this is going, especially if you’ve ever offered to assist in some kind of function. Basically, it came down to being Jami, the chair, and me. She asked for more people to help, and a couple did, but that was pretty much it. Out of 350, 116 of whom are on our class Facebook page. So it’s not like they’re clueless and completely in the dark about everything.

My co-chair (see what I mean? assist = co-chair) essentially did everything once we had the location chosen. She contacted the dj, signed the contract, chose the colors for the china, napkins and table coverings, by the time I asked what needed to be done, she would rattle off the things she’d done and I was gobsmacked at her attention to detail. Oh, and I have to say that she was not only trying to plan our event, she was teaching 8th grade pre-algebra, planning her own wedding, and planning a move out of state. This woman knows how to multi-task and puts me to shame with her eyes closed!

We have been selling tickets online through our Paypal account we setup to make purchasing easier for everyone. A couple of weeks ago, I had a heart to heart with Jami and told her that I think we may have to call the reunion off. We had only sold 30 tickets and needed a minimum of 100 for the event to be held, otherwise we’d lose money on it and have to dip into the class account, which is pretty small. We discussed it and agreed that we should give everyone one last opportunity to buy tickets if they were planning to attend but had not yet bought. The response we got from that was, um, well, I’d call it underwhelming. And disappointing and frustrating.

The reason for my rant is Brian, a classmate (and apparently a dumbass) I’ve known since elementary school. Tomorrow is the deadline we agreed on to give our classmates until tomorrow at midnight to buy if they wanted to.  Jami forwarded a message from Brian that was basically telling her, and me, that the reason people weren’t buying tickets was because we were having it at the Hard Rock Casino, and no one wanted to support a casino. And I totally get that, believe me, our state has a serious skin condition and it’s called casino-itis.  And that he thought we shouldn’t have a ‘big fancy gala with a big price tag’. Ok, gala to me just means a really nice party. We never said it was black tie. No word of attire was ever mentioned. And, oddly enough, he conveniently forgot that it’s the same price of the tickets for our last reunion, which he attended. So I responded to his letter, and let me tell ya, I let him have it with both barrels. I hope his eyeballs blister when he reads it. He had many opportunities to voice this concern. In fact 6 months ago when we chose the venue, only one person had an issue with the casino, but their convention halls have a completely separate entrance. You can’t even hear the ‘ding ding ding’ of the machines. Honestly, if you had been invited to an event such as ours, and input was asked for and welcomed, why, oh why, would you wait 6 months to let your feelings be known? Grrr. He just really irritated me. I replied to this message that was sent to her and I hope she forwards it to him because that’s just crap if you ask me. If you have misgivings about something, or an issue with the location, why on earth would you wait to voice your opinion until it was too late to do anything about it ? I mean seriously. He started this note with ‘meaning no disrespect to the reunion committee’ which was Jami and myself. Well, you know what? It was disrespectful and hurtful.  He mentioned a tailgate before a football game where people can hang out. I told him if he wants a tailgate to plan it himself because I”m out. He’s a rat pig, but that’s a different story that I think I”ll keep to myself.

Thanks for letting me rant. I feel better now. I think I deserve a glass of wine now. Ha ha. And I didn’t think this was going to be very long! Guess I was on a roll.


Do you ever have that ‘Charlie Brown’ feeling?

I know you know what I mean. You’ve seen Charlie Brown, right? What I”m talking about is the part where he’s going to kick the ball and Lucy promises she won’t move it this time. So poor Charlie takes Lucy at her word, gives it his best running start, kicks with all his might and BAM! He’s suddenly on his back looking at the sky and doesn’t know how he got there.

That’s kind of how I feel right now, frustrated, deflated, aggravated. We were having issues with our children’s school bus picking up the kids too early and dropping them at school before the doors would open, so they are all standing there unsupervised and unattended until the school opens. Call me crazy, but I don’t care to have my precious child standing around like that every morning. And for some stupid reason, they’ve started having a late start date on Fridays, which left them outside for 10 minutes, not just 5. I don’t particularly care for either of those scenarios. Dont’ get me wrong, we live in a very safe part of town, and school is in a nice neighborhood, but bad things happen everywhere. And I do know who my children’s parents are and it’s not just a matter of someone else doing something bad, but my children could have an accident and get injured.

Knowing this, I sent a note to the director of transportation and our school’s principal and requested they review the pick up time and simply adjust it by 5 or 10 minutes. An easy fix. Here’s where I get the Charlie Brown feeling. No one of consequence, no one in the transportation department responded to me. Well, I take that back. The asst director responded after my third email to say they were working on it. But that was the last I heard from him. when I finally got the info on the change, it came as a forward from our principal. I’m sorry, but I don’t appreciate being ignored. It would’ve been really easy to just drop a note and say, ‘yes, we are looking at it’  or ‘here’s what we’re doing’. Instead I got silence and that just pisses me off. It’s unprofessional and rude in my poor little mind. My friend called about it and she was given a totally different story.

I can totally relate to Charlie.  AAAAAARRRRRGGGGHHHH!

I’ll get over it, I’m just unhappy at how it was handled. How I was handled. blech.


Observations from the parking lot

I just got back from a trip to my fave local grocery store and, well, if you’ve been reading any of my posts you know my mind tends to wander and I notice some really off-the-wall things sometimes! Here are a few things I observed today.

Why is it that the people who drive the largest vehicles are the ones who are least able to park them between the lines? It’s always my luck that some knucklehead in a school-bus sized pickup/SUV can’t manage to pull in straight and ends up angled in a direction that is never beneficial for me!

Some peopel think they only have to look one direction when pulling out and invariably there’s someone coming from the opposite direction going entirely too fast and there’s either a collision or a near-miss that causes one or both drivers to need to change their pants.

The parking lot is not a garbage can, people! Don’t throw your dirty diapers on the ground because you’re too lazy to throw it in the garbage can that is most often right by the front door!

Blech! And in saying that, I can’t leave out the people who like to dump their ashtrays as well. Gross! I know most cars these days aren’t even made with ashtrays, but I still see those disgusting piles of cancer-inducing junk.

I think the same people who throw their nasty dirty diapers on the ground are the same lazy slobs who can’t put their carts in the cart corral that’s oh, maybe 10 feet away.  Oh, it just came to me! I know why they don’t take their carts, they’re trying to make a quick getaway before I can give them a hard time for using the parking lot for a toilet!

No matter how hard I may try, I always manage to park in the biggest puddle after a rainstorm, stepping out of my car and going ankle-deep in muddy, frigid water. There’s nothing like squishing your way through Target, making that wet shoe, squeaking sound all the while.

It doesn’t seem to matter that there is a crosswalk painted, or a stop sign, or even possibly both, there’s always some rude jerk who can’t spare the time to stop so you can cross. That one really burns me. You’re standing there in the rain/snow/scorching sun/freezing temps, and Mr. Jerkface is in such a hurry he can’t wait 2 seconds while you attempt to get where you’re going before getting soaked/frostbite/sunburn. Those people really piss me off!

And then there are the people you do stop for, because you are the courteous driver, who couldn’t walk any slower if they tried! What’s up with that?

Or how about those oblivious morons walking the middle of the drive, just having a leisurely stroll, as if they’re not about to become your newest hood ornament? I’m not sure which is worse, the middle walkers or the slow-as-freaking-Christmas walkers!

So, how about you? Have you had any interesting parking lot observations lately? Do share!

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10 Random things that make me crazy

My children have been gone the past week, so I’ve been making my favorite thing for dinner, reservations! So I thought I’d just share some of the random thoughts that bang around in my brain. I’ve told you about my little brain vacations, haven’t I? Here are a few examples of what I”m talking about, in no particular order.

1. People who pull in front of you and go……..slow….you…..think….you….may…..get….a…..year…..older…..before……getting…..where…….are……going….grrrrr

2. When I lived in a downstairs apartment and I had very noisy upstairs neighbors,  I had a dream that I would put a 9mm in my waistband and casually lean against the door frame, knock, and when they open it, pull the shirt away from my waist so they can see I’m ‘packing’ and  asking them to shut the hell up! does that mean I’ve seen too many cop movies?

3. Wrong number phone calls, at 3AM. I’ve been known to curse loudly at whatever idiot is asking for Antonio/Tasha/Johnny/Amanda/random booty call.

4. People that jump into the parking space you’ve been patiently waiting for, and then they get all upset and act innocent when you honk/curse/flip them off/try to run them down

5. Incompetent people responsible for answering the phone, see

6. Buying special rolls to make gourmet burgers for a girl’s night and then finding them covered in mold. Sorry penicillin burgers were not on the menu!

7. Driving what feels like 50 miles on one lane of a two-lane interstate that’s been blocked for ‘construction’ only to find that the miles of orange barrels were just there b/c they had nowhere else to put them!

8. People with a basket full, and mean FULL top and bottom, in the express lane when the sign clearly says ’10 items or less’. Or sometimes the sign says ‘About 20 items’ that word ‘about’ opens it up to interpretation. I guess it depends on what your definition of ’20’ is.

9. People who let their dogs poop in my yard and don’t pick it up. I fantasize about following one of them home with the doodoo in a paper bag, waiting til they go inside, then putting it on the porch and setting it on fire! Do you think they’d get the point?

10. Liars. See

Do tell, what bugs you?

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I’m going to get HATE mail for this one….

Yes, I think I may get flamed for this one, but I just don’t get the whole ‘Twilight’ thing. It’s everywhere and it just makes me want to puke! And yes, I’ve read the books. I know I am not exactly the demo she was writing for, but there are so many women my age, my friends even, who loved it, so I can’t say that’s why I think it’s a bunch of crap. I think it may have something to do with, oh, let’s see, the beginnings of an abusive/unhealthy relationship, and the inability to be true to her storyline. 

don’t get me wrong, I am not so far removed from my first love, that unreasonable, all-consuming, heady experience that I don’t remember what it’s about. What I don’t like about the whole Edward/Bella thing is him. He makes her feel like she can’t survive without him. Like she’s incapable of taking care of herself. He’s way too possessive and controlling. It makes me want to smack her and say, ‘Wake up! You don’t need this loser!’  I have friends who have been in abusive relationships and I’ve read enough about that situation and the abusers to understand that is how they maintain control over their partner. The abuser controls the finances so the other is unable to leave. He will make her feel like she is unable live without him, that no one else will love her the way that he does, or that no one else will love her period. And then there is the idea that if I can’t have you no one else will, which is frightening and happens way too often.

This ideal is the wrong message to send to young women. We need to empower them to know that they can take care of themselves, they don’t need to depend on a man, or woman, to get through life. I want young women, especially my daughter, to understand they do not need a significant other to validate themselves. A life partner/spouse/significant other is a want, not a need.

Not to mention, Ms. Meyer spent so much time laying the groundwork for the last book, defining the rules of transformation, but in the end, she abandoned her own rules, her own storyline, because she didn’t like the way it was going to end. The huge fight between the volturi and the werewolves turned out to be basically a game of dodge ball. Seriously? In any major battle, people get killed, it’s a fact of war. but she was unwilling to let anyone die and be true to her own story. She turned the Volturi into a bunch of pansies.

And don’t get me started on the whole ‘marriage’/baby/transformation of Bella. I quit reading the 4th book, ‘Breaking Dawn’ in protest. When Bella, who couldnt’ stand the smell of blood, suddenly had to drink  blood because of the eerie thing growing inside her, I had to quit. Oh that, and the whole pregnancy thing at all. I’m sorry, but if the undead doesnt’ have to breathe, doesn’t have a heartbeat, doesnt’ have blood, how is it he has the ability to ‘father’ offspring? Am I being too critical? I don’t think so. And yes, i did read on her website that whole thing about how it happened, but she probably should have included that in the book. I’m sure I”m not the only one who’s skeptical about the whole thing. Seriously. After three books of the characters talking about how terrible the transformation is and it’s a year or three of not being yourself, why is it that she doesn’t go through all that? it’s too convenient to save your main character from that. Why don’t the rules of vampireness apply to Bella the same way they did for Alice or Rosalie?

If you look at another series, Harry Potter, that deals with extraordinary characters, the author was able to let the  story unfold in the manner you expect it to, even though it meant killing off several of the main characters, no matter how painful it was. In any story, the characters have to be who they are, who they’ve been built up to be. Here’s a reference to an ‘old’ movie. ‘The Bodyguard’ anyone remember that one? In the end, you wanted them to be together, but that just wasn’t her. She was a pop star and her life was to travel around and perform, not settle down and bake cookies with Kevin Costner.

My message to Stephanie Meyer: rewrite the 4th book and keep the ending in line with the rest of the story, don’t alter it simply because you don’t want to kill off your characters. I totally understand becoming attached to these people, they have become very real to her, but people die, tragedy happens every day. Don’t sacrifice the story to your inability to stick with the plotline you’ve spent so much time creating. Suck it up, put on your big girl panties and deal with it.

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Never Wake A Sleeping Mom!

This is just too funny and pretty typical of life in our house. First I just have to say I love my two little yard apes more than I ever thought I could love two people who drive me to drink!

It’s 3AM and my son, who’s nearly 10, is suddenly at my side. In a half-whisper he says, ‘Mom, I turned on my radio, can you hear it?” 

When our kids have nightmares, we tell them to turn on their radios and go back to sleep, seems reasonable enough, right? So he’s actually doing what he’s been told to.

‘Um, no honey, I was asleep.’ yeah, that’s what I”m normally doing when it’s 3AM and I”m in my bed and my eyes are closed.

‘I used the bathroom, but I didn’t flush or wash my hands because I didn’t want to wake you.’

HUH? shaking my head. ‘what? ok honey, go do what you need to do, flush and go back to bed.’

‘ok mom, I love you.’

‘love you too honey.’

Now I am  awake. And I can’t go back to sleep! GRRR

The next day, my husband asks him why he did it. If he didn’t want to wake us with the flushing of the toilet and the washing of the hands, why did he come and talk to us.

‘Mom was already awake.’

“What? No, I’m pretty sure I was asleep. Why do you think I was awake?’

‘You were coughing.’

‘Helllllooooo. coughing and awake are two completely different things!’

See, it’s just a different version of , ‘mom, are you awake?’ poke, poke. ‘mom? mom? are you awake mom?” poke poke shake. “MOM? ARE YOU AWAKE MOM?”

‘I AM NOW!!!”

So if anyone is wondering why I have bags under my eyes, look like a zombie, and I’m mainlining my coffee today,  that’s why.


Liar, Liar, Pants on Flaming Fire!

Ok people, I’m gonna vent here, so just hang tight. I have a pet peeve.  Well, I actually have a few, but this one has to do with credibility and professionalism, not a big deal.

We had our house painted in November. The same guy did our last house, so that must mean he’s a good guy, does a good job and doesn’t rake his customers over the coals, right? Well, in theory, yes. In April, I notice one of the trim boards on our chimney is peeling. Not  just a little and hardly noticeable, but I’m talking serious peeling, almost like it hadnt’ been touched at all!

My husband rings him up, gets VM and hangs up. His thought is if yayhoo (from here on out known as Liarpants Painterguy) gets a message about something he screwed up that wont’ be making him any money, he’s not going to call back. So, Liarpants Painterguy rings back, almost immediately. My husband tells him what’s up, and he says ‘Oh, sure, I’ll be out to take care of it.’ Riiiiight.

So, nearly two months go by and I finally remind my very hardworking husband about this stupid paint sitchiation. He rings up Liarpants Painterguy, once again gets his VM and hangs up. But this time, when Mr. Painterguy calls back, my husband has gone to work and I get to talk to him. It goes something like this.


‘This is Liarpants Painterguy, I missed a call.’

I explain the situation and tell him he needs to come and fix it.

‘I’m so sorry I haven’t had time to take care of that.’ RIIIIGHHT. Whatever. ‘What’s the address? I’m on my way over right now.’

Oh, ok, that’s more like it!  I’m doing the things around my house that I’ve been putting off and realize that TWO HOURS have gone by since Mr. Liarpants Painterguy has called me. Hm. Well, I can’t wait around here any longer, I have places to go.

A week later, after he was supposedly coming right over, I ask my hubby to call Liarpants Painterguy again about the chimney. We are heading into summer and it’s only going to get worse if we just leave it.  Our house will look like one of those poor old run down houses that have about an ounce of paint left on them.

Hubby rings Liarpants Painterguy, and this is the part where he got his new name so pay attention. Mr. Liarpants Painterguy tells my husband that he was here, had come TO my house just like he told me he would, didn’t take the time to tell me he was here, checked it out and left.

It was at this point me head spun 360 and I felt the green pea soup vomit churning. Seriously, if you’re going to lie about something, you have to make it believable! I had been here at the time he said he made his drop in. Oh, and have I mentioned I have a dog? Yup, Lucy the mutt barks at a leaf blowing down the street, so can you imagine what a car door opening outside my house does to her? It literally sends her into orbit! So this guy can’t tell me he came, Lucy would let me know. Anyone comes near my door, she goes completely bonkers! I mean eat the pizza guy bonkers!

He tells my husband that he’ll be out this Wed to fix it, but we have to call and remind him! Seriously? You’re so busy you can’t even remember to fix your screw up? All I can say right now is  GRRRRRR! In other words, the tanking economy hasn’t had any effect on his business lately at all. He’s so busy he doesn’t have to worry about credibility or referrals. Oh well, whatevs. Once he fixes the crap job his did on my chimney, he won’t have to hear my name again! Jerk. Oh, or get any more referrals from me either. I hope he feels the pain.


Today is the day we (read ‘me’) were supposed to call and remind Liarpants Painterguy to get his arse out here to fix his screw up. So, I did what any normal person would do, I sent him a text message with everything I needed to say. I got my point across and didn’t have to listen to any of his BS excuses. Great. Now I just sit back and wait for it to happen. Holy crap I am a dumbass sometimes! You know that? I continually try to give these yayhoos the benefit of the doubt only to have it slap me in the face. I finally get a response to my txt at about 5:30 with an excuse of being in and out of doctors office b/c he’s been sick. Ok, I don’t mean to sound cruel and uncaring here, but I really don’t give a rat’s arse about his problems! I don’t want excuses, I want action, is that asking too much? Sheesh.

Oh, and I got scolded for sending a text. I told my husband he was going to have to call Liarpants Painterguy b/c he just doesn’t respond  to me. I told him I’d sent a text and he went off on me! He said I should’ve called him b/c that’s what he said to do! Well, guess what! Next time, as in tomorrow, dear husband will be the one who’s making the call to Liarpants Painterguy because I”m done. I’ve done what I can do.


A conversation with a brick wall

AAAAAGH!!! That was how I felt yesterday when I got off the phone. I had to make an appointment for my daughter and myself to get our haircut. I called the salon and you can read the conversation below. I’ll abbreviate with “M” for me and “D” for ding dong

D: Hideaway salon, how may I help you?

M: I need to make an appointment for my daughter and myself.

D: When would you like to come in?

M: My daughter is in elementary school, so after school Thursday or Friday.

D: How about noon on Thursday?

M: My daughter is in elementary school and gets out at 3:30, do you have 3:45?

D: How about 3:30 Thursday?

M: She doesn’t get out until 3:30, what about 3:45 or 4:00?

D: She has a color until 3, can you come in at 3?

at this point I”m ready to rip my hair out or bang my head on the wall, or maybe even both. I begin speaking very slowly, as if I”m talking to someone who doesn’t speak English very well, using small words and enunciating as clearly as I can, so she can understand what I”m saying. And let me say, she wasn’t foreign, her first language is English.

M: (very slowly) my…daughter…is…in…elementary…school….she…doesn’t…get…out…until…3:30…do…you……appointment…at…3:45?

I literally hear the light bulb click on over her poor overtaxed little  pea brain.

D: Oh, how about 3:45 on Friday?

FINALLY success!

M: 3:45 on Friday will be just great.

I hang up the phone and scream in frustration. I feel like I lost IQ points after that call. It always amazes me what people can do and still keep a paying job.


Don’t make me play the Bitch card!

I AM a Domestic Goddess.  I can do almost everything I need to do at my home, but I do ask my wonderful husband to do some things.  I can’t have him think I can live without him!

However, on this one, he let me fly solo.  We are having two doors replaced, a storm door and an entry door, the back door to be specific.    I really love our house, the location, the floor plan, all of it.  It’s ten years old now and beginning to show it’s age in a few spots.  We recently had  the exterior repainted, installed a new dishwasher, water heater and now it’s time for the doors.  Our back door faces West and gets some sun in summer. The problem is the weather seals on it are shot and there’s a gap big enough at the bottom to allow webworms to come into my house.  ICK!  Besides, the people who lived here before had small dogs and there’s a dysfunctional doggie door at the bottom that’s covered w/plywood. Not an attractive look.

We went to our local Lowes and Home Depot to get an idea of what’s available for doors.  DH had to work so he sent me on my way to order the doors.  we’d discussed it and it seemed easy enough.    As I am ordering the doors, I see a charge on the printout for delivery, which is separate from the $250 I’m paying to have them installed.  What is this? He explained that this is the charge for the guy to pick them up at the store.  I wasn’t happy about it and the guy said he could take it off, but in the shuffle, forgot to. 

I went back yesterday to get it refunded and change the installation of the doors.  Initially he told me it would save me $30 to have them done at the same time, but in actuality, it was only $9.  Needless to say, I didn’t want to wait the extra week or two to get them done together.  Long story short, they were going to charge me this $25 two times.  I said, um, no.  He called a manager over and I explained that I didn’t appreciate it and wasn’t going to pay this charge when I’m already paying to have them installed.  He had the cojones to ask me if I could take the doors.  Um, NO. Not doing it. 

I really didn’t want to have to do it, but he was not being helpful.  I had to play the bitch card.  I looked at him and said, ‘Please don’t make me play the cranky customer card and cancel this order. Don’t make me do it.’  He actually stopped and THOUGHT about it!  Seriously. In this economy, in this climate, I’m sure he wouldn’t want to have to explain to his boss why he lost a big sale, b/c I’m telling you these damn doors are a lot more expensive than I thought they’d be.  I hate having to do that!

I’m telling you, I have learned my lesson.  After that experience, I will NEVER shop at Home Depot again, no matter how much I might save. Period.

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