Confessions of an Unintentional Domestic Goddess

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Happiness?

Forgive me for taking a tiny little break from my usual DG kind of posts, I promise I’ll post a new recipe tomorrow! I suppose I’m feeling sort of introspective these days. With lots of drama and trauma in the lives of many around me (some real, some fabricated), it really makes me take a moment and look closer at my own life.

There are so many adages I’ve heard before and as I’m growing up (not older!), I realize the reason they’re around is because they really are true. Life is what you make it. It really is, and I learned this in my mid 20’s when I moved to LA. On a whim, I followed my roommate out there. I had no job, no apartment, no real reason to say no, so I went. It became a life altering experience. I was completely overwhelmed. If you haven’t been to LA, I can’t begin to describe just the vastness of everything there. Everything you can possibly imagine and even more. My roommate’s relationship progressed to the point of them getting engaged, which left me to find a new place to live. I had some really wonderful coworkers (newly weds, no less) who let me rent a room from them. I was miserable. 1500 miles from home, working full time and sharing a little 2br/1bath house with people I barely knew. Finally, someone smacked me and said “Hey! You are in the most exciting city, everything you’d ever want to do is here, and you’re sitting there feeling sorry for yourself? What’s up with that?’ And after that point, everything was different. I went to Dodgers games, museums, the beach, all sorts of things and really started enjoying everything that incredible city had to offer. I learned that so much of it is within my control. Of course, there are some things I can’t control: traffic, weather, cost of living. The one thing I can control (as I continually tell my children) is myself and my attitude and outlook.

Happiness, that’s a choice. The family we’re born into, our eye color, the weather, these are things that we really don’t have a choice in. We all have our wishes, but in reality, we have no say over these things and cannot change them, no matter how badly we’d like to. I have a friend, we’ve known each other since high school. She is beautiful, was always drop dead gorgeous, but was the type who really didn’t know she was as beautiful as she was. Down to earth is how I”d describe her. She has had some not so nice things happen to her. Her ex-husband & father of her children committed suicide. A different ex was abusive and a total jack-hole. She was brutally attacked and injured. And yet, she continues to look on the bright side of life. We all have our crap days. We all have things go wrong, or happen that we wish were different or better. The difference is how you respond to it. Do you let it defeat you or do you dust yourself off and say, ‘ok, that sucked. What’s next?’

Happiness is a choice. Yes, I’ve experienced adversity, difficulty and even tragedy. But I choose to be happy, because my life is not over yet and I refuse to let anything negative define me or who I am.

So, my question for you is, what’s your choice?

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Merry Christmas to all….

I have been a bit MIA of late, and I do apologize. It will be one of my New Year’s Promises to post everything that I’ve been wanting to post. Life has sent me running in circles, chasing my tail of late. I’m hoping that will change after the New Year.

I just wanted to wish you all the merriest of Christmases ever. I hope you are all healthy and well and stay safe during the travel season. Enjoy time with your family and friends. Try not to over indulge too much! or stress out about the ‘perfect gift’. The perfect gift is your presence, kindness and caring toward others. And know that you are all in my prayers.

Merry Christmas and God bless us, every one.

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Happiness at what price?

I am kind of in a quandary, again, about one of my friends. Am I too nosy? Do I insert myself into my friend’s lives too much? I really work my hardest to be non-judgemental. I know that we all have to do what we feel is best for ourselves and our families, but this particular friend of mine has done something that I just really feel to be exceptionally grievous and it affects the lives of several other people, including and especially her children.

A bit of background. She and I became friends in the 6th grade. We were good friends until she changed schools because her mother was a teacher at a nearby school which was in a better school district. Can’t blame her mom there, I’d do the same thing in her shoes. We stayed in touch, we did live in the same town, after all.

After high school, she got herself in some really bad situations, in particular, she wound up pretty heavily in a drug-using crowd. I begged her, pleaded with her to get away from those people, fearing the worst for her. She shrugged off my concerns and distanced herself from me. I’m not really a sanctimonious type, but when I see people I care about putting themselves in real jeopardy, I can’t stand idly by without speaking my mind.

She finally pulled herself out of that pit and went to college where she married her sweetheart, whom we both thought was a good guy. She’s 5ft tall in heels and 100lbs soaking wet in all of her clothes.  He was a big guy who took a liking to beating her. They had three children, two boys and then a girl, who all witnessed his treatment of her and thought it to be normal. The natural progression was for her sons to be disrespectful and rude to her, they thought that was what they were supposed to do. She finally divorced him, but never really received any financial, or other, support from him and was trying to raise her children on her own.

I happened to run into her at a bank one day and she caught me up on all of her news. He had met a woman from China online and moved there. And she was dating a man and very happy. Great. That’s fantastic.

Not long after our chance encounter, she called t tell me she was moving to Southern California to be with this man because that’s where he grew up and he wanted to go back there. Nevermind the fact that he didn’t get along with her two sons, he found them to be rude and disrespectful, surprise. So, what does she do? She dumps her boys off on her mother, who is not well, and a family friend, and takes the daughter with her to be with this guy in LA.

Once again, I begged her not to do it. That it was a bad idea on many levels. And once again, she ignored me and did what she wanted to do, not considering the consequences her actions would have on her two young sons. The youngest is 14 now I think.

Of course, what I expected to happen did. when they got to LA, he decided he really didn’t want to be with her and promptly dumped her and her daughter. Well, that’s not true, he said he wanted to still keep in touch with her daughter, he loved her like his own. What?

I talked to her not long after this had happened and begged her, again, to come home and take care of her boys. They must be feeling completed deserted. First their father moves to China and then their mother leaves them to move to California for some guy. She gave me a song and dance about how she just couldn’t afford to raise them all here, which she definitely can, she just would have to make adjustments to her budget and lower her shopping habits. Then i suggested she just take her boys to LA if that’s where she wants to be. Nope, the youngest doesn’t want to come. HELLO! Who is the parent here? He’s a minor, you are his mother, you TELL him he is moving out there. Both of them.

I can’t imagine the damage done to these boys during a very fragile and weird time in their lives. They’ve been deserted by both parents, and their mother left them in favor of her daughter and a guy, who has subsequently dumped her.

My quandary is what do I do? She has found me on Facebook and I’m not quite sure how I feel about it. As a parent, I see what she’s doing and think it’s really tragic. There are loads of children in the DHS system who want parents, need parents.  And here are hers who have been deserted. it makes me really sad and wonder what will become of these boys when they are older, when they haven’t had real parent figures in their lives. Or maybe they do, in the family friend who’s taking care of the older boy. The younger lives with grandma, and I have a feeling she’s a bit of a pushover, if I know her.

And what of her daughter who sees what her mother has done and thinks that children are disposable? When you get in a situation where they are sort of in the way, you just dump them off at the nearest friend’s house. who thinks it’s perfectly acceptable to put her own selfish interests above the well-being of her children?

I don’t know. I want my friend to be happy, really I do. But how can I wish her happiness when I really feel what she’s done to her children is just wrong? How can I promote her happiness when there are three children who are profoundly affected by her actions?

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It’s the end of a DECADE?

You know, I really hadn’t thought of it that way until I heard them mentioning it on the news last week.  But it really is. Wow. So, needless to say, I was thinking I hope the next ten are as good as the past ten have been.  It will be hard to top though. I was also kind of compiling a mental list of the past decade of my life.

  • My son was born in 2000. Also in 2000 was that embarrassment of a presidential election. Honestly, I wish we would toss out that damned electoral college and just have a direct election. WTF? It may have been useful at some point in time, but it’s antiquated now.
  • My daughter was born in 2003. And shortly after I decided I need to be a domestic goddess and be the one who’s actually raising my children, rather than a daycare worker making $6/hr who could really care less about my children.
  • Our country went to war. Again. And once again, Georgy boy messed up. “mission accomplished’ indeed. What an idiot. The Dixie Chicks said they were embarrassed by him. I have to count myself in their numbers. It’s a travesty what he did and now we can’t seem to get ourselves out of it. I say bring all of our people home and let them blow themselves up. Who cares? they don’t want us there and we don’t want to be there.
  • We moved into a beautiful new home.  Pretty darn close to being our dream home, minus granite. Wonderful neighborhood, neighbors and schools. We are very happy here and don’t plan to move unless we get an offer we can’t refuse.
  • All of our grandparents passed away, starting in 2000 with my husband’s sweet grandmother, Helena. And it seemed Helena started some sort of mass evacuation. Howard followed, then Helena’s husband Quentin, my great-aunt Millie, my grandmother Janet, and Howard’s wife Pearl. They all had good, long lives. But that doesn’t make us miss them any less.

Now, what do I want from the next ten years? To finish the novel I’ve been working on, and seem to be nearly halfway through and get it published. Also to complete another project I’m working on with a friend whose life is as wild as a movie. Get my children graduated successfully from high school and on to college, at least one of them anyway. To continue being as happy and healthy as we all are and to find my husband a job that doesnt’ require working nights, weekends, and 12 hour days on a regular basis. That seems to be quite alot, but I’ve got ten years to do it! Actually, I’m seriously going to work on finishing my novel by the time school is out for summer break. That is my New Years’ promise to myself.

What about you? What do you wish for in the new year and decade? I wish you happiness, health and prosperity. Anything beyond that, is up to you.

Happy New Year!

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