Confessions of an Unintentional Domestic Goddess

Just another weblog

I Don’t Take Anyone’s Crap (literally)!!

I know, my last few posts haven’t had anything to do with being a domestic goddess, and I promise they are coming, but I just had to tell you all about something that happened over the winter.

It was cold outside, I mean really seriously, bone-chilling-wind-piercing-every-layer-you’re-wearing cold. We were all at home, I think it may have been a Sunday afternoon. It was sunny, but flat out frigid.

My son suddenly yells out, ‘Mom! A lady’s dog is pooping in our yard and she’s walking away!’

In our neighborhood, in our covenants (and maybe even the city as well) you’re supposed to clean up after your mutt uses someone else’s yard for a toilet. Well, that and it’s just common courtesy. I mean honestly, if my child made a mess at someone else’s house, at the very least, my kid would have to clean it up and if the mess was toxic spill level, I’d have to pay to have the carpets cleaned/sheet rock repaired/walls repainted, whatever, right?

So, me being the shy wallflower that I am, I went out there and looked to see if what my son said was true. Yup. There in my dead, dormant, yellow grass was a steaming pile of poop. blech. Well, isn’t that charming.  By the time I’d assessed the situation, she was already two houses past us.

I called out, ‘EXCUSE ME!’ and of course she didn’t hear me the first time, so I said it again, ‘EXCUSE ME!’

She reluctantly turned and gave me that deer in the head lights, ‘you talking to me?’ look.


she starts walking toward me, and says, ‘What?’ as if she hadn’t heard what I said. She knew full well what I was talking about.

‘YOUR DOG LEFT A MESS IN MY YARD!’ as I’m pointing to the offending mass.

once again with the ‘hearing problem’. “What?’ she’s continuing to walk toward me, I think she’s thinking she’s gonna have to own up to this one. It’s hard to pretend it wasn’t your dog when you’re the only nutcase out walking your mutt at 15F and it’s fresh and steaming.

She’s close enough this time I don’t have to shout. ‘Your dog left a mess in my yard.’

Now the lamest excuse EVER. ‘Oh. I”m so sorry. I was going to come back and clean it up. It always happens when I don’t have a bag with me.’

Right. Now, if you think I”m buying that one, I’ve got a piece of property to sell you! As if. She didn’t give a damn where her dog pooped and you’ll never be able to convince me she did. As if she ever carries bags!

‘I’ll be happy to get you a bag.’ I said as nicely as I could, all the while thinking I’d rather pick it up and chunk it at her. How great would that be? she’s walking away thinking she’s gotten away with it again, and suddenly, thump. she feels something hit the back of her head and turns to see me smiling with a piece of poop in my hand aiming for her again!

‘Oh, that would be nice, thank you.’ she’s secretly thinking, ‘yeah, I may clean it up now, but you’re marked you pain in the ass, we’ll be back and I’ll make sure poochie here eats an entire can of pumpkin before we come by here again so he can leave you a nice big pile!’

My son grabs a bag and brings it outside, while we all watched from the warmth of our house to make sure she picked it up.

My husband was laughing at me. Well, seriously, it’s just plain rude. This woman is one of my neighbors and she was going to do that to me? I don’t think so.

His comment on his Facebook page the next day, ‘My wife doesn’t take shit from anybody!’


Do you ever have that ‘Charlie Brown’ feeling?

I know you know what I mean. You’ve seen Charlie Brown, right? What I”m talking about is the part where he’s going to kick the ball and Lucy promises she won’t move it this time. So poor Charlie takes Lucy at her word, gives it his best running start, kicks with all his might and BAM! He’s suddenly on his back looking at the sky and doesn’t know how he got there.

That’s kind of how I feel right now, frustrated, deflated, aggravated. We were having issues with our children’s school bus picking up the kids too early and dropping them at school before the doors would open, so they are all standing there unsupervised and unattended until the school opens. Call me crazy, but I don’t care to have my precious child standing around like that every morning. And for some stupid reason, they’ve started having a late start date on Fridays, which left them outside for 10 minutes, not just 5. I don’t particularly care for either of those scenarios. Dont’ get me wrong, we live in a very safe part of town, and school is in a nice neighborhood, but bad things happen everywhere. And I do know who my children’s parents are and it’s not just a matter of someone else doing something bad, but my children could have an accident and get injured.

Knowing this, I sent a note to the director of transportation and our school’s principal and requested they review the pick up time and simply adjust it by 5 or 10 minutes. An easy fix. Here’s where I get the Charlie Brown feeling. No one of consequence, no one in the transportation department responded to me. Well, I take that back. The asst director responded after my third email to say they were working on it. But that was the last I heard from him. when I finally got the info on the change, it came as a forward from our principal. I’m sorry, but I don’t appreciate being ignored. It would’ve been really easy to just drop a note and say, ‘yes, we are looking at it’  or ‘here’s what we’re doing’. Instead I got silence and that just pisses me off. It’s unprofessional and rude in my poor little mind. My friend called about it and she was given a totally different story.

I can totally relate to Charlie.  AAAAAARRRRRGGGGHHHH!

I’ll get over it, I’m just unhappy at how it was handled. How I was handled. blech.


10 Random things that make me crazy

My children have been gone the past week, so I’ve been making my favorite thing for dinner, reservations! So I thought I’d just share some of the random thoughts that bang around in my brain. I’ve told you about my little brain vacations, haven’t I? Here are a few examples of what I”m talking about, in no particular order.

1. People who pull in front of you and go……..slow….you…..think….you….may…..get….a…..year…..older…..before……getting…..where…….are……going….grrrrr

2. When I lived in a downstairs apartment and I had very noisy upstairs neighbors,  I had a dream that I would put a 9mm in my waistband and casually lean against the door frame, knock, and when they open it, pull the shirt away from my waist so they can see I’m ‘packing’ and  asking them to shut the hell up! does that mean I’ve seen too many cop movies?

3. Wrong number phone calls, at 3AM. I’ve been known to curse loudly at whatever idiot is asking for Antonio/Tasha/Johnny/Amanda/random booty call.

4. People that jump into the parking space you’ve been patiently waiting for, and then they get all upset and act innocent when you honk/curse/flip them off/try to run them down

5. Incompetent people responsible for answering the phone, see

6. Buying special rolls to make gourmet burgers for a girl’s night and then finding them covered in mold. Sorry penicillin burgers were not on the menu!

7. Driving what feels like 50 miles on one lane of a two-lane interstate that’s been blocked for ‘construction’ only to find that the miles of orange barrels were just there b/c they had nowhere else to put them!

8. People with a basket full, and mean FULL top and bottom, in the express lane when the sign clearly says ’10 items or less’. Or sometimes the sign says ‘About 20 items’ that word ‘about’ opens it up to interpretation. I guess it depends on what your definition of ’20’ is.

9. People who let their dogs poop in my yard and don’t pick it up. I fantasize about following one of them home with the doodoo in a paper bag, waiting til they go inside, then putting it on the porch and setting it on fire! Do you think they’d get the point?

10. Liars. See

Do tell, what bugs you?

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Liar, Liar, Pants on Flaming Fire!

Ok people, I’m gonna vent here, so just hang tight. I have a pet peeve.  Well, I actually have a few, but this one has to do with credibility and professionalism, not a big deal.

We had our house painted in November. The same guy did our last house, so that must mean he’s a good guy, does a good job and doesn’t rake his customers over the coals, right? Well, in theory, yes. In April, I notice one of the trim boards on our chimney is peeling. Not  just a little and hardly noticeable, but I’m talking serious peeling, almost like it hadnt’ been touched at all!

My husband rings him up, gets VM and hangs up. His thought is if yayhoo (from here on out known as Liarpants Painterguy) gets a message about something he screwed up that wont’ be making him any money, he’s not going to call back. So, Liarpants Painterguy rings back, almost immediately. My husband tells him what’s up, and he says ‘Oh, sure, I’ll be out to take care of it.’ Riiiiight.

So, nearly two months go by and I finally remind my very hardworking husband about this stupid paint sitchiation. He rings up Liarpants Painterguy, once again gets his VM and hangs up. But this time, when Mr. Painterguy calls back, my husband has gone to work and I get to talk to him. It goes something like this.


‘This is Liarpants Painterguy, I missed a call.’

I explain the situation and tell him he needs to come and fix it.

‘I’m so sorry I haven’t had time to take care of that.’ RIIIIGHHT. Whatever. ‘What’s the address? I’m on my way over right now.’

Oh, ok, that’s more like it!  I’m doing the things around my house that I’ve been putting off and realize that TWO HOURS have gone by since Mr. Liarpants Painterguy has called me. Hm. Well, I can’t wait around here any longer, I have places to go.

A week later, after he was supposedly coming right over, I ask my hubby to call Liarpants Painterguy again about the chimney. We are heading into summer and it’s only going to get worse if we just leave it.  Our house will look like one of those poor old run down houses that have about an ounce of paint left on them.

Hubby rings Liarpants Painterguy, and this is the part where he got his new name so pay attention. Mr. Liarpants Painterguy tells my husband that he was here, had come TO my house just like he told me he would, didn’t take the time to tell me he was here, checked it out and left.

It was at this point me head spun 360 and I felt the green pea soup vomit churning. Seriously, if you’re going to lie about something, you have to make it believable! I had been here at the time he said he made his drop in. Oh, and have I mentioned I have a dog? Yup, Lucy the mutt barks at a leaf blowing down the street, so can you imagine what a car door opening outside my house does to her? It literally sends her into orbit! So this guy can’t tell me he came, Lucy would let me know. Anyone comes near my door, she goes completely bonkers! I mean eat the pizza guy bonkers!

He tells my husband that he’ll be out this Wed to fix it, but we have to call and remind him! Seriously? You’re so busy you can’t even remember to fix your screw up? All I can say right now is  GRRRRRR! In other words, the tanking economy hasn’t had any effect on his business lately at all. He’s so busy he doesn’t have to worry about credibility or referrals. Oh well, whatevs. Once he fixes the crap job his did on my chimney, he won’t have to hear my name again! Jerk. Oh, or get any more referrals from me either. I hope he feels the pain.


Today is the day we (read ‘me’) were supposed to call and remind Liarpants Painterguy to get his arse out here to fix his screw up. So, I did what any normal person would do, I sent him a text message with everything I needed to say. I got my point across and didn’t have to listen to any of his BS excuses. Great. Now I just sit back and wait for it to happen. Holy crap I am a dumbass sometimes! You know that? I continually try to give these yayhoos the benefit of the doubt only to have it slap me in the face. I finally get a response to my txt at about 5:30 with an excuse of being in and out of doctors office b/c he’s been sick. Ok, I don’t mean to sound cruel and uncaring here, but I really don’t give a rat’s arse about his problems! I don’t want excuses, I want action, is that asking too much? Sheesh.

Oh, and I got scolded for sending a text. I told my husband he was going to have to call Liarpants Painterguy b/c he just doesn’t respond  to me. I told him I’d sent a text and he went off on me! He said I should’ve called him b/c that’s what he said to do! Well, guess what! Next time, as in tomorrow, dear husband will be the one who’s making the call to Liarpants Painterguy because I”m done. I’ve done what I can do.


An Uninvited Guest

I witnessed something last night and I was kind of , well, I don’t want to say gobsmacked, because it wasn’t that shocking.  But I was, well, surprised I suppose is a good word for it.

My daughter was invited to a classmate’s birthday party at a local inflatable party place.  So were several classmates.  When we arrived, she saw one of her BFF’s who lives a few blocks over from us. Her mom was there bringing her, and also her brother, who’s a year older than she is, whom I’m pretty certain was not invited.

How do I know he was not invited?  The party mom introduced her to this little girl’s mother and said, ‘Oh, and who’s this?’ She said, ‘This is munchkinhead, her brother.’  And I could tell by the look on party mom’s face that this was not something that had been prearranged.  This other mom had gotten a wrist band for the brother, as if he were joining in the party.

There have been times when we’ve had parties and siblings have shown up, but we normally just have cake and ice cream at home.  Not the big to-do kind of party. I know to have a party at this location is a minimum of $150, not cheap for a 7 year old’s party. I know the mom paid for a party for X amount of children, I don’t know the number. So why would this other mom think it’s ok to bring her son along? I don’t understand it. To me, in my poor little pea-brain, it’s terribly rude and presumptuous of her.  And that really bugs me because I barely know her, but she seems so nice. Our daughters are good friends and really enjoy playing together. It would be nice if I got along with her as well.  Life would be so easy.

Now I dont’ want to assume they stayed the entire party. I haven’t asked my daughter if they stayed. She said her husband was going to take over. Maybe she wanted to stay w/her daughter until her husband got there and then she was going to leave w/the boy, I don’t know for sure. I hate assuming things. But it is disappointing. I’m coming into this situation with the frame of reference of something that happened to my BFF a couple of years ago.  She had a party for her son and 10 kids at a local mini amusement park type place, they had go carts, video games, mini golf, all kinds of fun stuff. One of her friends had 4 children and my friend had initially only invited the child who was friends with her son.  Makes sense, why invite the much older or younger siblings when they are not friends w/your child. so this woman shows up with ALL FOUR of her children and at first says well, we were just in the neighborhood.  And rather than just let them have cake, she let them eat the pizza and my BFF had to pay for three extra children, an expense she was not prepared for.  She was incensed and really unhappy with this woman’s behavior, it was rude, thoughtless, inconsiderate and presumptuous. I don’t know that they are still friends, but something like that might be tough to forget about. Particularly considering the state of my friend’s finances at the time. She was a single mom and living on a shoestring budget to begin with.

Anyway, it just really disappoints me if that was the case w/my daughter’s friend’s mother.  What would you do if you were the party mom and someone showed up w/uninvited siblings and dumped them on you and you were forced to pay extra?  Would you say ‘Oh, gee, I’m sorry Susie, I’ve only paid for ten children and Joey would put us over.’ Or would you grin and bear it and make it a point to not invite them next time? I don’t know how I would react.  She was already stressed to the hilt about the whole party and I don’t think that enhanced her life at all. Or maybe I’m just sticking my nose where it doesn’t belong.


Who am I to decide?

I am a bad, bad friend.  My best friend in the whole world is a wonderful, beautiful person.  She’s had some really rotten  things happen to her and had her heart really badly broken earlier this year. She still presses on and is not only surviving, but she’s thriving, which makes me really happy.

How am I a bad friend, you ask.  She started dating a guy not long after a really painful breakup earlier this year.  He was a rebound guy, we both knew it.  My suggestion to her was to take some time to be alone, be by herself and let her heart heal and focus on herself for once.  She’s always taking care of everyone else.  She’s a big girl and I know we all have to make the best decisions we can for ourselves.  We have to make ourselves happy because no one else can.

This guy she’s dating is, um, well, not what I would pick out for her.  He’s way shorter than she is, very scruffy, and just not the person I pictured her with. But who am I to determine who she should be with anyway?  I have been leery of this guy and relationship because she was hurt so badly last time and I hate to see it happen again, but she’s a big girl, I’m just trying to be a good friend.

In my stupidity last night, I was exceptionally rude to him, which in turn hurt her.  I have been a narrow-minded, judgemental hag in my thinking of him.  I treated him the same way I was treated, still am treated, by people who are legally ‘family’ by marriage, I acted like he wasn’t even there.  I remember a time in my life when I was much younger these people couldn’t be bothered to speak to me when I was in the same room.  They acted that way towards me at my own damned wedding and I hate that feeling.  That feeling that I’m not worthy of someone else’s time, even just to be polite or civil.

I can make no excuse for my behavior.  All I can do now is apologize and hope my friend will forgive me.  She feels he is the one she’s been waiting for her whole life.  How can I argue with that?  If she loves him, and he her, what’s my problem anyway?  Isn’t that what I wished for her since we became friends ten years ago?  simply because he doesn’t look the way I think her significant other should is an injustice to her.  It shows that I am so petty, I can’t see past the exterior and look at what’s inside, and that’s what really counts right?

So, what would you do? Suck it up and have dinner with them?  I don’t know what my trepidation is all about. I’m in a quandary and really unsure what to do next.  I did send her an email and apologized for being such a rude ASS of a person. But what comes next, I just don’t know.