Confessions of an Unintentional Domestic Goddess

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I give up…

Yes, there. I said it. I give up. I wrote about my weight loss goal and how well I’d been doing early on, as in before our trip and spring break. I suppose I’m coming to the conclusion it’s just not going to happen. No matter what I do, how hard I work, or how little I eat (ha!) it’s just not happening. I think I like food too much. 

I’m not going to totally give up, though. I’m not going to just eat everything in sight. I will pay attention to what I’m eating and when. I’m still exercising regularly, and will continue trying to be balanced. So far this week, I’ve walked 5 miles and plan on walking at least 2 more today and do some other things to get more movement into my life. I would be thrilled if it just fell off and I didn’t even expect it to! Maybe I’ll go about it that way, just eat healthier and exercise more and then BAM! sort of like when I found my honey. I wasn’t looking for him, and WHAMMO! there he was.

So, there’s the end of my saga, my goal. When I do manage to shed it, I’ll share it with you. Thanks for playing.


You win some, you lose some

Well, my attempt at a Rocco recipe fell flat, literally. It was a healthy/low fat/diet recipe for brownies. Hey! Low fat, diet brownies? Sign me up! Yeah, not so much. Sorry Rocco, but they just underwhelmed us. I really did have high hopes for them. I knew they would have a different taste and texture than what we’re used to. I mean, really, Betty Crocker is pretty generic, right? The base for these brownies is pureed black beans. Hmmm, protein and fiber in a tasty dessert treat? I was excited to try my hand at them.

Here’s the deal. They are very flat. And I mean, fluffy pancake flat. About as dense as a mud pie. Other than that, they’ve got a great chocolate flavor! I just wish they could’ve been more brownie-like, rather than deflated fudge-like.

My children didn’t go for them, which actually didn’t surprise me. Ah, well. Can’t win them all, hey, Rocco?


Liar, Liar, Pants on Flaming Fire!

Ok people, I’m gonna vent here, so just hang tight. I have a pet peeve.  Well, I actually have a few, but this one has to do with credibility and professionalism, not a big deal.

We had our house painted in November. The same guy did our last house, so that must mean he’s a good guy, does a good job and doesn’t rake his customers over the coals, right? Well, in theory, yes. In April, I notice one of the trim boards on our chimney is peeling. Not  just a little and hardly noticeable, but I’m talking serious peeling, almost like it hadnt’ been touched at all!

My husband rings him up, gets VM and hangs up. His thought is if yayhoo (from here on out known as Liarpants Painterguy) gets a message about something he screwed up that wont’ be making him any money, he’s not going to call back. So, Liarpants Painterguy rings back, almost immediately. My husband tells him what’s up, and he says ‘Oh, sure, I’ll be out to take care of it.’ Riiiiight.

So, nearly two months go by and I finally remind my very hardworking husband about this stupid paint sitchiation. He rings up Liarpants Painterguy, once again gets his VM and hangs up. But this time, when Mr. Painterguy calls back, my husband has gone to work and I get to talk to him. It goes something like this.


‘This is Liarpants Painterguy, I missed a call.’

I explain the situation and tell him he needs to come and fix it.

‘I’m so sorry I haven’t had time to take care of that.’ RIIIIGHHT. Whatever. ‘What’s the address? I’m on my way over right now.’

Oh, ok, that’s more like it!  I’m doing the things around my house that I’ve been putting off and realize that TWO HOURS have gone by since Mr. Liarpants Painterguy has called me. Hm. Well, I can’t wait around here any longer, I have places to go.

A week later, after he was supposedly coming right over, I ask my hubby to call Liarpants Painterguy again about the chimney. We are heading into summer and it’s only going to get worse if we just leave it.  Our house will look like one of those poor old run down houses that have about an ounce of paint left on them.

Hubby rings Liarpants Painterguy, and this is the part where he got his new name so pay attention. Mr. Liarpants Painterguy tells my husband that he was here, had come TO my house just like he told me he would, didn’t take the time to tell me he was here, checked it out and left.

It was at this point me head spun 360 and I felt the green pea soup vomit churning. Seriously, if you’re going to lie about something, you have to make it believable! I had been here at the time he said he made his drop in. Oh, and have I mentioned I have a dog? Yup, Lucy the mutt barks at a leaf blowing down the street, so can you imagine what a car door opening outside my house does to her? It literally sends her into orbit! So this guy can’t tell me he came, Lucy would let me know. Anyone comes near my door, she goes completely bonkers! I mean eat the pizza guy bonkers!

He tells my husband that he’ll be out this Wed to fix it, but we have to call and remind him! Seriously? You’re so busy you can’t even remember to fix your screw up? All I can say right now is  GRRRRRR! In other words, the tanking economy hasn’t had any effect on his business lately at all. He’s so busy he doesn’t have to worry about credibility or referrals. Oh well, whatevs. Once he fixes the crap job his did on my chimney, he won’t have to hear my name again! Jerk. Oh, or get any more referrals from me either. I hope he feels the pain.


Today is the day we (read ‘me’) were supposed to call and remind Liarpants Painterguy to get his arse out here to fix his screw up. So, I did what any normal person would do, I sent him a text message with everything I needed to say. I got my point across and didn’t have to listen to any of his BS excuses. Great. Now I just sit back and wait for it to happen. Holy crap I am a dumbass sometimes! You know that? I continually try to give these yayhoos the benefit of the doubt only to have it slap me in the face. I finally get a response to my txt at about 5:30 with an excuse of being in and out of doctors office b/c he’s been sick. Ok, I don’t mean to sound cruel and uncaring here, but I really don’t give a rat’s arse about his problems! I don’t want excuses, I want action, is that asking too much? Sheesh.

Oh, and I got scolded for sending a text. I told my husband he was going to have to call Liarpants Painterguy b/c he just doesn’t respond  to me. I told him I’d sent a text and he went off on me! He said I should’ve called him b/c that’s what he said to do! Well, guess what! Next time, as in tomorrow, dear husband will be the one who’s making the call to Liarpants Painterguy because I”m done. I’ve done what I can do.


Stains on a white shirt? READ THIS!

Ok, we just returned from vacationing in Florida and had several white shirts that had been stained by sunscreen. I was extremely disappointed because they were new and the stains were really very ugly. In the sun, the lotion-type sunscreen had stained the neck of the shirts orange, a dark burnt orange color. Needless to say, I was not a happy mom.

As I was doing laundry, I did what I normally do, I washed a load of bleach whites hoping to remove the stains. No luck. Argh. What next? I thought that maybe if I used a bleach pen and put concentrated bleach directly on the stains and left it for a bit, that would work. Nope. Nada. Stains still there, only marginally lighter. I’m sorry, but i don’t know anyone, kid or adult, who wants to wear a shirt with a yellow neck. Gross!

I did an internet search and found several potential home remedies. The first that came to mind was cream of tartar. I’ve heard that used for stains. As well as white vinegar. The one that really caught my attention was a remedy for yellow under-arm stains, since they were basically the same color  Our stains were not necessarily created by the same thing but at least the same color family. My thought is what do I have to lose? It won’t make them look any worse than they do now!

Guess what?? It was successful! I am very happy to report that a mixture of 1 part water, 1 part hydrogen peroxide, and one part baking soda did the trick. I mixed it into a paste and used an old toothbrush to apply it to the area and let it sit for about 30 minutes. When I returned, one shirt was perfectly normal. The other that had the most stubborn stains was mostly gone, but not completely, so I applied just a bit more and will let it sit for a while longer. I am very happy with the result. They were all white cotton tees, I don’t know that I would try it on another fabric since peroxide does have the capability to bleach things. But now I have another weapon in my quest for cleaner clothing. My children seem to be stain magnets and any help I can get, especially in the inexpensive/organic/home remedy department is really fantastic! I have another shirt of my daughter’s that I’m going to try it on, chocolate ice cream stains on a striped shirt. I’ll let you know how that one turns out. Color me happy!

I just had another thought. I wonder what other stains this concotion might work on. As in maybe stains on a counter or sink. Hmmm, I may just have to try it out.

***Update*** I forgot to mention that one of the shirts  that I was able to successfully remove the stains from, had gone thru the wash and the dryer, which I was uncertain of because of the heat of the dryer and the effect it has of setting stains in. I tried the mixture on a striped shirt, my daughter’s cotton striped tee with chocolate ice cream stains. Some of the stains were on an aqua stripe. I was concerned about the possibility of bleaching the color, but thougth, what the heck, it won’t look any worse, right? Guess what! The stain is not totally gone, but nearly gone and really unnoticeable unless you’re looking for it. YAY!


You have GOT to be kidding me!

I’m really bummed right now. I wrote about our really fun vacation here . All day Thursday I felt hung over without the fun of actually enjoying adult beverages, just from pure lack of sleep. Running on 2 hrs and traveling for about 8 hours is tough on a person.

So, we get home, I unload all of our bags and start scaling Mt. Pile-o-dirties. Nine days worth of dirty clothes for 4 people gets pretty out of control. Mind you, the day after we got home, I was pretty much the walking dead. I had no energy and I don’t know that I had two brain cells firing at the same time for the majority of the day. Yesterday I woke up and felt pretty much back to normal.

that’s when i realized something was missing. I bought a new messenger bag with my favorite college logo on it (Oklahoma State) to carry at the park, it had lots of pockets for little things and we used it well during our entire trip. As we were packing the night before our departure, we decided to check all of our bags rather than have a carry-on bag. It seemed like a good idea. We were going to be at the airport at the butt crack of dawn, and on our way home, so if our luggage got lost, it was not going to be a complete disaster. My husband had been carrying the back pack at the parks b/c they were loaded with water and it’s pretty heavy, so he was the one who packed the bag in the suitcase. It was flat, so it made sense to just lay it on top of the clothes in the suitcase and zip it right up. I’d already done two or three loads of laundry when i realized my wonderful new messenger bag was missing. I asked my husband if he remembered what he’d done with it and he told me where he’d packed it. Hmmm. Well, all of the bags are now unloaded and it’s not here. Neither is my baseball cap that I’d taken with me. There were several other things in the backpack that I can’t remember. One thing I do remember is my son’s money. My children worked hard around our house to earn spending money for our trip. My boy had a difficult time deciding and was planning on buying a new Lego set when we got home and had about $25 to $30 left in the zipper pocket of the backpack.

I put a bag tag on the backpack before we left in the event that it was left behind somewhere, so I know it was marked. I phoned the hotel where we stayed and they had nothing from our room. I phoned the airline and left a message for their baggage service. It really bums me out. I have never had anything stolen from a suitcase while flying and it’s really disheartening. To think the people you trust to take care of your bags are stealing from you, is just sickening. I have seen things like this on the news before, but don’t know anyone who’s had it happen to them.

I’m very unhappy and disappointed, but really, whoever took that bag stole from my 9 year-old son. that backpack was going to be his for school next year and it was his money in the pocket. Who steals from 4th graders? I really hope I get some sort of resolution from the airline, but I’m not holding my breath. I will contact them again on Monday and I will send a letter to their corporate office. This is something they need to know about. They make a  big deal out of bags flying free, so they are responsible for keeping those bags safe. I understand sometimes accidents happen. I’ve had bags arrive torn, but not with contents missing. Urgh. Some stranger digging through my bags just makes me want to throw up. I’ll keep you posted on the outcome.


Failure Sucks!

Well, I failed today. Miserably, and I”m not happy about it one bit. What did I fail at? Lemon poppy seed bread. I love lemon poppy seed muffins. I especially love them when they are low cal and low-fat. Because then I can eat them and not feel guilty. Not that I eat more of them mind you, I just don’t worry about what they’re doing to the size of my arse as I’m enjoying the warm, fluffy, lemony goodness.

I found a recipe for a light version of a lemon poppy seed bread. YAY! I love making yummy breads like that. Cream cheese swirl pumpkin bread, banana nut bread, chocolate zucchini bread. Love them. And when they’re healthy, I love them even more!

I bought the most beautiful and perfect lemon I could find to make my creation that much better. I gathered my ingredients, with just a couple of substitutions. It called for oat bran, but I couldn’t find any at the store, so I used oatmeal and just ran it through my coffee grinder. I thought, ‘Hey, it should work.’ I also substituted unsweetened applesauce for the butter/oil it called for. I’ve done this many times. Sub equal part of applesauce for the oil. I still get the moistness I would from the oil with a lot fewer calories and no fat. Sounds like a plan to me!

Alas, something went terribly awry today. I had left-over lemon juice, so rather than using 2 tbsp, I used three. And when the batter was made, it looked to be a bit on the watery side, so I added just a bit more flower and oatmeal. Only about a half cup in total. I was confident my changes would not affect my precious poppy seed bread. Oh, it smelled wonderfully. My children came home from school smelling it and wanting some.

The timer went off, I took the bread out of the oven and, hm. That’s kind of odd. It was very dense. Uh oh, that’s not good. It was very gummy and dense and I can’t figure out why, what part of my chemistry experiment would have changed it so much that it was horrible! Honestly, it could have been my baking powder. I’ve had it for a while, and I know that it will not work as well when it gets old. I dunno. I will give it a go again at a later time.  I’ll make some substitutions, but I’ll try to make fewer next time around. In the mean time, my daughter is quite happy with it, so I guess it’s not a complete waste!

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