Confessions of an Unintentional Domestic Goddess

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Jedi Mind Trick on a 6th Grader AKA Everyday Parenting

Hello friends. Yes, I’ve been a bit MIA lately, but that’s life, right? Isn’t that what they say, life is what happens when you’ve made other plans.

Life these days is full of teenage boys and drama tweens. My girl is the light of my life. She makes me laugh. She makes me cry. She makes me scream. She makes me angrier than I ever thought I could be. And that’s just the first five minutes after waking up. No really, I love her more than anything. But middle school is hell. In case you don’t remember it, I’ll refresh your memory. Your friends find other friends to hang out with. Your body isn’t the one you’ve known your whole life and is doing weird, hairy, smelly things. You want desperately to fit in, not stand out. You are trying to figure out who you can trust and who your real friends are. Who YOU are. You’re full of self-doubt, self-consciousness and feelings you don’t understand. Some days the slightest thing will set you off and send you into a tailspin.

It’s a difficult time and seeing all of the crap she’s going through has reminded me just how awful it was/is. As a mom, sometimes I feel like I just can’t win. Any and all of my brilliant advise is summarily rejected simply because it came from me (the exact same thing coming from her favorite teacher becomes truth). Hmm, sounds vaguely familiar. Part of my job as taxi driver/chef/housekeeper/tutor/head cheerleader, is to try to bolster her self-esteem, her self-confidence. I want to instill in her the mentality that she can do whatever she puts her mind to. Love her though I do, drama seems to unnecessarily follow her about some days. Parents of tween girls, can you relate? Of course you can. They’re all the same, just different size/shape/color/intensity.

My precious girl has wanted long hair for a very long time, so she’s let it grow for the past year or so. It’s finally long enough we can start doing fun styles with it. Her latest discovery: the sock bun. She made her own little form for it and everything. We watched a YouTube video for instruction (of course!). I worked it over and managed to make it look like a bun, I was so excited!

Here’s how it goes. She tries and it doesn’t work the first time around. She tries again to just put it in a ponytail, but it’s in the wrong place for her liking, gets frustrated and tries to give up.

“I can’t put it up in the right place.”

‘Yes you can, just try it again.”

“I CAN’T DO IT.’

“Ok, first, lower your voice. Next, yes you can. It’s just hair.”

tries, fails.

“My hair hates me!”

“Honey, it’s hair, it can’t hate you. Try it again.”

“I told you. I can’t do it!”

<sigh> “Yep. You’re right. You can’t.”

stunned silence.

“Wait, you’re supposed to tell me I can do it!’

“I was telling you, but you didn’t believe me. So now I’m just agreeing with you.”

“But you’re not supposed to do that.” <getting huffy>

“All I’m doing is agreeing with you. That’s all. If you don’t think you can, you’re absolutely right.”

Stunned silence again, shaking her head and walked away.

Next time, I think instead of trying to convince her that she can do whatever she’s convinced she can’t, or at least telling me she thinks she can’t, I’ll stop and just agree with her.

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I AM the sneakiest mom EVER!

Yes, that’s my new title! I’m feeling very proud of myself today and I may just break my arm patting myself on the back! Why, you ask? Well, here’s the deal.  Last week I bought a spaghetti squash just because I wanted to try something new. I do that, try new things, more recipes than actually foods, but hey, I’m adventurous so why not?

Yesterday while my children were at school, I cooked the spaghetti squash in the microwave, cut it open and strung it out, then I put it in a bowl and in the fridge, so they didn’t see where the ‘pasta’ came from! I made a delicious spaghetti sauce and meatballs to go with it. I will say, the ‘pasta’ had a different texture, a bit of a crunch that I wasn’t expecting. It wasn’t bad, but it had more of a texture than the pasta I normally use. Before putting the food on the table, I tossed the ‘pasta’ with the sauce and put meatballs on top with some shredded parmesan.

When I put the ‘pasta’ on the table I told my children that it was a special Italian pasta that’s very expensive and I found it on sale and wanted to give it a try. We sat down and dug in.  The kids were a bit hesitant at first, but they actually ate it! My daughter ate several bites and then complained that she didn’t like it. But she managed to get it all down! My son held up one bite and said, ‘This looks like pumpkin guts!’ You know, the stringy stuff you pull out of a pumpkin when you’re carving it? yeah, with the sauce on it, the ‘pasta’ had an orange tint to it. It was all I could do to not spew sauce and noodles all over him! He was closer to truth than he thought he was, but hey, who am I to tell him he’s eating the pumpkin’s cousin?

Will I serve it again? I would definitely, if I thought I could get away with it twice, but you know what they say about lightning. I’ll do it again maybe when they are a bit older. will i tell them what it is? Hmm, good question? I dunno. My  10 yo son still believes in Santa and the Tooth Fairy, I don’t know that I”m ready to burst that bubble just yet!

So….what veggies  have you slipped into your food lately?

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You know you’ve had a really crappy day if…

Preface: All of these things actually happened, but not all to me.  The names of the innocent have been omitted to protect their identities. Feel free to add yours!

…you open the fridge to get something and find your laundry detergent. Or open the pantry and find your milk.

…the teenage cashier looks at you and says, ‘Looks like you’ve had a long day too.’ Thanks junior, that means I look like crap!

…the librarian asks your name, and you can’t remember it! It really happened, but after a long week of exams.

…your precious three year old tells you he’s made a poopy, but it’s not in the toilet, it’s in the window seat of his bedroom! Or in the backyard, had that one too!

…you’re using the self checkout at the library and the machine tells you there’s a problem with your card and you need to go to the front desk.  Wow! Those fines must be worse than I thought!  Then you realize, they don’t take Blockbuster cards at the library!

…you sacrifice your favorite bagels from your favorite bagel shop in favor of traction under the spinning tires of a truck in a snowstorm. Don’t laugh, they acutally worked!

…setting the alarm clock for your romantic get away weekend, you accidentally hit the ‘time’ button and change the time.  When the alarm goes off, you rush around in a total panic to get out the door in a flash, only to see the clock on the dash tell you you’re actually an hour EARLY!

…your mother forgets your birthday….AND YOU’RE AN ONLY CHILD!

…your mother ‘accidentally’ throws away your daughter’s $90 bottle of eye drops before you’ve even had the chance to use them!

…you turn on your computer and it does nothing.  After being examined by the computer geeks, you’re told there’s nothing they can do and all of the files (including 100’s of pictures) are gone forever and you know have a useless boat anchor on your desk.

…you arrange a romantic 10th anniversary getaway and totally screw up the return dates on the flight, and find out when you go to the airport after your wonderful weekend that your seats were on a plane that left three days earlier!

…you’re invited to a fundraiser and will be sitting at a corporate table (read free food) and wake up puking in the night before and spend the entire day paralyzed on the couch!

…you plan a family vacation, doesn’t matter where, happens every time, one of your children either wakes up puking right before you leave, or while you’re on your vacation!

…your husband forgets your birthday, and you’re 8 months PREGNANT!

…your oh-so-precious-love-of-your-life child smacks your thigh and says, ‘Mommy, your legs wiggle!”  thanks for that honey, I hadn’t noticed the cellulite until now!

…you think the stuff the kids listen to on the radio these days is crap!  then comes the realization you must really be OLD!

…your mom looks at you, with a very intent and questinong look on her face.  You’re thinking she’s going to make a comment about the ‘third eye’ zit you’ve got going on in the middle of your forehead, but instead says, ‘Are you alright?  Your skin looks yellow.  Are you sure you’re ok?’  yes mom, I’m fine, thanks for noticing.  The yellow cast comes from being out of the sun, it’s called pale.

…you get home from a family outing to a park only to see that you’ve left the garage door open while you’ve been gone!

Anybody else have things like this happen? Please tell me I”m not alone in my blonde moments!

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