Confessions of an Unintentional Domestic Goddess

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Jedi Mind Trick on a 6th Grader AKA Everyday Parenting

Hello friends. Yes, I’ve been a bit MIA lately, but that’s life, right? Isn’t that what they say, life is what happens when you’ve made other plans.

Life these days is full of teenage boys and drama tweens. My girl is the light of my life. She makes me laugh. She makes me cry. She makes me scream. She makes me angrier than I ever thought I could be. And that’s just the first five minutes after waking up. No really, I love her more than anything. But middle school is hell. In case you don’t remember it, I’ll refresh your memory. Your friends find other friends to hang out with. Your body isn’t the one you’ve known your whole life and is doing weird, hairy, smelly things. You want desperately to fit in, not stand out. You are trying to figure out who you can trust and who your real friends are. Who YOU are. You’re full of self-doubt, self-consciousness and feelings you don’t understand. Some days the slightest thing will set you off and send you into a tailspin.

It’s a difficult time and seeing all of the crap she’s going through has reminded me just how awful it was/is. As a mom, sometimes I feel like I just can’t win. Any and all of my brilliant advise is summarily rejected simply because it came from me (the exact same thing coming from her favorite teacher becomes truth). Hmm, sounds vaguely familiar. Part of my job as taxi driver/chef/housekeeper/tutor/head cheerleader, is to try to bolster her self-esteem, her self-confidence. I want to instill in her the mentality that she can do whatever she puts her mind to. Love her though I do, drama seems to unnecessarily follow her about some days. Parents of tween girls, can you relate? Of course you can. They’re all the same, just different size/shape/color/intensity.

My precious girl has wanted long hair for a very long time, so she’s let it grow for the past year or so. It’s finally long enough we can start doing fun styles with it. Her latest discovery: the sock bun. She made her own little form for it and everything. We watched a YouTube video for instruction (of course!). I worked it over and managed to make it look like a bun, I was so excited!

Here’s how it goes. She tries and it doesn’t work the first time around. She tries again to just put it in a ponytail, but it’s in the wrong place for her liking, gets frustrated and tries to give up.

“I can’t put it up in the right place.”

‘Yes you can, just try it again.”

“I CAN’T DO IT.’

“Ok, first, lower your voice. Next, yes you can. It’s just hair.”

tries, fails.

“My hair hates me!”

“Honey, it’s hair, it can’t hate you. Try it again.”

“I told you. I can’t do it!”

<sigh> “Yep. You’re right. You can’t.”

stunned silence.

“Wait, you’re supposed to tell me I can do it!’

“I was telling you, but you didn’t believe me. So now I’m just agreeing with you.”

“But you’re not supposed to do that.” <getting huffy>

“All I’m doing is agreeing with you. That’s all. If you don’t think you can, you’re absolutely right.”

Stunned silence again, shaking her head and walked away.

Next time, I think instead of trying to convince her that she can do whatever she’s convinced she can’t, or at least telling me she thinks she can’t, I’ll stop and just agree with her.

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Lessons From Middle School

Oh yes, it has begun. My precious 12yo son is rapidly morphing into a teenager. I hear it regularly, “I’m bored.’ Ok, I counter, you can clean up your desk, walk your dog, dust, rake leaves, and on and on. And always the response is ‘No, I don’t wanna do that.’ Uh huh. Ok buster. That’s how you want to play it.

Last week, actually the past few weeks, my boy got a few of the hard learned lessons of middle school. Gosh, can you even remember middle school? I can, and it’s not pretty. It’s all awkward and gangly, pimples and squeaky voices. Trying to figure out where you fit into the scene.

And then you go and mouth off to a teacher. Well, ok, she was a sub, but in the eyes of the principal, they’re one and the same. Did you know that they really don’t care to be spoken to like that? Yeah, they don’t. When I picked him up from school he was acting a bit odd. More than usual, so I asked what was up. He refused to say anything til we got to the car. Ok boy, spill.

‘How mad would you be if I got detention?’

‘What? Detention? For what?’

Then he goes into great detail about the scene and what he swears he didn’t do, but the sub says he did. It was in PE of all classes! He argued her call on a ball game, and wouldn’t let it go, to the point of receiving detention.

Detention at his school is 45 minutes. On Friday. And no, they cannot do homework, they have to write a letter of apology to the teacher when they are rude & disrespectful, then sit there the rest of the time. Hmm, sounds like fun.

He was mad about getting detention (duh), he was mad at her for giving it to him, he was mad at the world.

So, seeing all of this I distilled it into a few points. Here goes.

1. When you mouth off to a teacher you get detention=not fun.

2. When you get detention, you get in trouble at home too.

3. Don’t be mad at someone else for something you did.

4. Don’t try to blame someone else for something you did or said. Accept responsibility for your actions, learn from it and move on.

5. Accept the consequences of your actions-detention- and move on.

If everything were that simple you know. Well, wait a minute, it kind of is. Don’t blame someone else for something you did or said. Accept the consequences of your actions. Accept responsibility for your actions. Learn from it and move on. Hm, I think I can do that. Now, if he will just learn from it and not get another detention!

 

 

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