Confessions of an Unintentional Domestic Goddess

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That was original…

Ok, this is not Domestic Goddess kind of stuff, but it’s just so damned funny, I had to share.

I have two children whom I love more than anything else on this planet.  They are the most precious gifts I have ever had the privilege of receiving.  They are exactly one week shy of being three years apart.  They are best friends one minute and mortal enemies the next.  Last year we bought our son a double bed and sometimes on weekends they like to have ‘sleepovers’ and camp together in his bed.  It’s fun for them, kind of like a mini-vacation.

So tonite I tell them if they wanna do a sleepover, I”m cool with it.  As long as I don’t hear a lot of racket coming from them and they actually go to sleep.  Fat chance.  I hear some noise, and then I hear my daughter start crying and calling me.  I go  upstairs to see what the commotion is and she’s upset because my boy has called her a name.  What name did he call her? Nothing that I’ve ever heard, I think it’s his own original creation.

“Mom, Spencer called me a….(sniff sniff) he called me a ….(more sniffing for theatrical/drama purposes) butt crack.’

“You called her a what??”

‘But mom she was…”

“It doesn’t matter what she was doing.  I never want to hear that come from either one of you.  If I do, you will be getting your mouth washed out with soap.  Am I clear?”

“yes, ma’am.’

Do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a straight face when you’re scolding someone for doing something,  but it’s so freaking funny and you don’t want them to see that, because it’s encouraging the behavior?  Yeah, it’s really tough, hence a post about name calling on a domestic blog.

A little peek into my life.  I promptly removed my daughter back to her own bed and came downstairs to a lovely, wonderful waiting glass of Cabernet. Aaah.  That’s better.

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You Call Yourself a Mother?

Ok, I’m sorry, I just have to vent for a moment.  I just got home from a quick errand that involved a stop at a local discount retailer.  I was looking at children’s shoes when I saw a young family.  Dad, Mom, a baby in a seat and a little boy who looked to be in the 18-month to two years range.  He was cute and quiet.  I didn’t hear a single noise from this child. 

I heard the dad tell the mom the little boy had taken off one of his shoes.  It was a croc-type and it was right beside him.  Big deal.  My daughter used to shuck her shoes at every opportunity, even when it was not the most opportune time. 

She bent down to pick up the shoe and she said it. ‘You’re a sneaky little shit.”  Yes, I bolded this word because I was mortified.  I can’t remember if I gave her a look or not, but then the dad piped up and said, ‘Yes, you’re a sneaky little man.’

Ok, this is where I get cranky.  She was a young mother, early 20’s.  But come on!  How can you speak to a child that way!  A very young child.  What is she going to do when that little boy gets sent home from school for calling a classmate a little shit?

You know, I am no stranger to cursing.  In my former life, I considered it sport to see how many curse words I could fit into a sentence and it still make sense.  Then I became a mother and realized my child is a reflection of me.  I never knew I could become some uptight, prudish mother, but for the longest time, in our house we didn’t say ‘butt’ we said bottom, or booty.  It just sounded to rough to me coming out of the mouths of my babes.  I understand we all have to do what we feel is best for ourselves and our children.  So you say “butt” in your house, ok.  That’s your deal.  Do you call your child a four-letter-word?  That’s where I draw the line.  That is absolutely unacceptable and inappropriate kind of language to be used around a small child who truly does not know better.

I know, I know. I’ve been thinking about this since I first drafted this post.  I really should have said something to that girl, she who is old enough to know better, and obviously young enough not to care.  Next time I see someone speaking that way to a child, I will speak up.  It’s just reprehensible to treat someone that way, let alone a very young child.

I remember one time I said ‘shit’ in front of my son and instantly regretted it, but it simply slipped out.  I was on the phone with a friend who was telling me about a disaster that had claimed man lives.  It was one of those tragic, freak kind of accidents and I said it while my son, 2 at the time, was near enough to hear me.  What did he do?  He pipes up and says, ‘Oh shit!’  Now I”m really thinking ‘OH SHIT!’ What have I done? I’ve just corrupted my beautiful little child.

Please please please people, speak to your children with love and respect, not curse words and condescension.

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