Hello friends. Yes, I’ve been a bit MIA lately, but that’s life, right? Isn’t that what they say, life is what happens when you’ve made other plans.
Life these days is full of teenage boys and drama tweens. My girl is the light of my life. She makes me laugh. She makes me cry. She makes me scream. She makes me angrier than I ever thought I could be. And that’s just the first five minutes after waking up. No really, I love her more than anything. But middle school is hell. In case you don’t remember it, I’ll refresh your memory. Your friends find other friends to hang out with. Your body isn’t the one you’ve known your whole life and is doing weird, hairy, smelly things. You want desperately to fit in, not stand out. You are trying to figure out who you can trust and who your real friends are. Who YOU are. You’re full of self-doubt, self-consciousness and feelings you don’t understand. Some days the slightest thing will set you off and send you into a tailspin.
It’s a difficult time and seeing all of the crap she’s going through has reminded me just how awful it was/is. As a mom, sometimes I feel like I just can’t win. Any and all of my brilliant advise is summarily rejected simply because it came from me (the exact same thing coming from her favorite teacher becomes truth). Hmm, sounds vaguely familiar. Part of my job as taxi driver/chef/housekeeper/tutor/head cheerleader, is to try to bolster her self-esteem, her self-confidence. I want to instill in her the mentality that she can do whatever she puts her mind to. Love her though I do, drama seems to unnecessarily follow her about some days. Parents of tween girls, can you relate? Of course you can. They’re all the same, just different size/shape/color/intensity.
My precious girl has wanted long hair for a very long time, so she’s let it grow for the past year or so. It’s finally long enough we can start doing fun styles with it. Her latest discovery: the sock bun. She made her own little form for it and everything. We watched a YouTube video for instruction (of course!). I worked it over and managed to make it look like a bun, I was so excited!
Here’s how it goes. She tries and it doesn’t work the first time around. She tries again to just put it in a ponytail, but it’s in the wrong place for her liking, gets frustrated and tries to give up.
“I can’t put it up in the right place.”
‘Yes you can, just try it again.”
“I CAN’T DO IT.’
“Ok, first, lower your voice. Next, yes you can. It’s just hair.”
“My hair hates me!”
“Honey, it’s hair, it can’t hate you. Try it again.”
“I told you. I can’t do it!”
<sigh> “Yep. You’re right. You can’t.”
“Wait, you’re supposed to tell me I can do it!’
“I was telling you, but you didn’t believe me. So now I’m just agreeing with you.”
“But you’re not supposed to do that.” <getting huffy>
“All I’m doing is agreeing with you. That’s all. If you don’t think you can, you’re absolutely right.”
Stunned silence again, shaking her head and walked away.
Next time, I think instead of trying to convince her that she can do whatever she’s convinced she can’t, or at least telling me she thinks she can’t, I’ll stop and just agree with her.