Confessions of an Unintentional Domestic Goddess

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No Drama Mama

on December 26, 2011

I’ve had this phrase in my mind for about a month now.  There happens to be a blog of this title, but I’m going to borrow it for this post. That said, I have to ask, am I the only one in this world who abhors drama? I mean really, isn’t there enough on shows like ‘The Bachelor’ or ‘Big Brother’, or ‘Young and Restless’ for that matter?

I think I can answer my own question, which brings up another problem that will have to be addressed in a later post: talking to myself. Well, that’s not really the problem, the problem is when I answer myself, or worse yet, get into an argument. It gets really weird then.

Ok, back on track. Just to tell you all, my friends, I really don’t do drama. The fact that my dear 8yo daughter has perfected the whole drama thing is really disturbing. I know some people who cannot live without drama any more than they could live without oxygen or water. I so don’t get that mind-set. Aren’t there enough struggles in life without creating more? What is it they say, don’t go borrowing trouble? Yeah, well, I wish some people would get a clue. Really.

What am I ranting about now, you ask? So, here it is. I have a sister-in-law, I’ll call her Jeannie. I like her. I thought we were friends, we’ve always seemed to get along. She doesn’t necessarily get along with other family members, but that’s not my gig. She is of the mindset that there must always be drama and turmoil. She is unable to let go of past hurts or offenses any more than she can get rid of her acid washed jeans from the 80’s that she can only dream of ever wearing again. Poor Jeannie can’t seem to understand that some of the things she wants to be upset about will never change and she’d be better just to drop it like it’s hot and move on with her life.   But nooooo! She wants to carry around all of that anger and frustration, to the dismay of her husband, and the rest of us. Me, I’ve got way better things to worry about.

Just a quick word about myself.  I so don’t do drama. I don’t play games. I am who I am, you see what you get with me. I am not vindictive or vengeful. I don’t ‘get even’. Life is too short for all of that nonsense. And the energy it takes to be angry and put on all the show, it’s just not my style. I’m a low-key kinda gal. But, on the flip side, I don’t suffer fools gladly. If you burn me once, I’ll give you another chance if you want to make up and give it another go. But if you burn me again, I’m out. And likewise, if I offend you (mostly it happens on accident, I have a big mouth and sometimes it runs at will, before my brain gets the say-so on what comes out of it!) I’ll apologize and try to make amends.

I haven’t heard much from Jeannie in a while. She’s deactivated her Facebook profile and doesn’t return my emails or texts (another of my pet peeves, but for another time). Thanksgiving rolls around and it’s her turn to host. We take turns and last year it was at my house. Everything was planned, but on the Tuesday before, she came down with a nasty stomach bug. When I found out, I respectfully gave our regrets, as my hubby’s a retail mgr and the day after Thanksgiving is easily his biggest day. He quite literally can’t afford to be sick now. Not to mention, someone who’s got that virus (or had it in the past couple of days) truly should not be preparing food for other people. Seriously, would you want to eat food cooked by someone who’d been puking a day or two before? Um, not me!

A historical flashback. Six yrs ago, my elderly 86yo grandmother and dear sweet 94 yo great-aunt were living nearby and really in poor health. I was thrilled they would be coming to my house for Thanksgiving dinner, the first ever. And wouldn’t you know it, on Tuesday, I came down with strep! Yay. Wait. It’s highly contagious and I have frail guests. guess what happened. Yep, we had separate Thanksgivings that year. couldn’t be helped. The very last thing in the world I would have wanted was to give my family a potentially life-threatening illness.

So, when Jeannie gets this stomach virus and I declined our invite, i reminded her what happened 6 yrs previously. I wanted her to know that it just happens sometimes. Things happen that are beyond our control, and it’s no big deal.

Now it comes time for Christmas. She normally hosts a Christmas eve family gathering. I emailed her a couple of wks ago and apologized for whatever transgression against her that I’d perpetrated (because I had no clue what I’d done). I told her that I’d never intentionally hurt her feelings and asked what I could get her children for Christmas. The response I got from her was short, curt, and didn’t address anything other than her children’s clothing sizes. I know it sounds weird, but it kind of felt like a slap in the face. I have always considered her to be a friend. She’s known me long enough to know that I don’t do the drama thing, or the getting even stuff, or any of that crap. But when this transpired, I decided that we probably shouldnt’ go to her house on Christmas Eve. It was apparent she didn’t want me around and I don’t like to be where I”m not wanted. Instead, this year, for the first in a very long time, we went to Christmas Eve mass. That was the nail in my coffin.

I emailed to let her know before she went to the grocery store that we would not be attending so she could plan accordingly. I asked when would be a good time to get our children together so they could exchange gifts. I got no response. Not until Christmas Eve. her hubby called me and asked if he could bring their kids over  to do the exchange. it was then that I finally got some answers. Rather than taking my reminder about 6 yrs ago that it happens to everyone, no big deal, she took it as a ‘hey, you did it to me 6 yrs ago, so I’m doing it to you now’. Nice, huh?  She didn’t respond to my apology because, according to her husband, she didn’t want to. I guess she just wants to be mad. You know, if she’s got the energy and time to carry that around, go for it. Me, I”m the no drama mama. I’m over it and moving on. So done. There’s only so many times I’ll let my fingers get stepped on before I move them.

Ok, enough whining, thanks for listening, I feel better. It is disappointing, but as I always remind my kids, the only thing in life I can control is myself. Myself, my words, my actions and reactions. If she wants to be that way, it’s her deal.

I hope you all have a wonderful Chrsitmas and a very Happy New Year!

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