Confessions of an Unintentional Domestic Goddess

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What do you say?

on September 17, 2010

 At church last weekend, I heard the name of one of our neighbors when the pastor read the list of people who need extra prayers. I was kind of surprised to hear her name, she’s in her 30’s and as far as I knew she was in good health.

A few days later I found out why her name was mentioned. Another neighbor who works with her told me that she was 4 months pregnant and lost the baby. They have three boys and this baby was a girl. I feel really bad for her, for all of them. It’s a really sad and tragic situation and thank you God, we were fortunate enough to never have to go through anything like that. They had a small funeral for her yesterday. And the mom was at the bus stop this morning putting two of her boys on the bus to school. I don’t know her very well, and didn’t say anything to her. I know she is grieving a death. Even though the child never lived outside her body, it was a living child and a part of their family that held hopes and dreams.

She doesn’t know that I know. We are acquaintances, but not friends. I have kept her and her entire family in my prayers, for strength, for love, for healing. But, do I say anything to her? Tell her I’m sorry for their loss and that they’re in my prayers? I don’t know. This is one of those tricky situations.  Anybody else been in this situation?

4 responses to “What do you say?

  1. Hey 🙂
    I lost a baby at approx the same gestation and yes, it hurts like its never going away. Inside I wanted to scream but outside I just had to get on for the sake of the kids. Some people didn’t know what to say, so they said nothing. Some wanted to say something and often stumbled over their words.
    But the stumbled words reassured me that I was not alone.
    They reassured me that I was not forgotten.
    The physical acknowledgement helped, even though noone could fix the hurt.
    In time the hurt found its way into acceptance, the stumbled words turned into memories of someone caring enough to just let me know that I am not alone in a world that sometimes seems so cold and lonely.
    I say acknowledge this lady. The worst she can do is what?
    The best is that she can feel the love and concern even an almost stranger can and does feel for her.

    • Thanks for sharing Debs. I’m so sorry you had to go through that, so sorry for your loss. I’m sorry that anyone has to go through it. I feel so blessed that we never had to experience anything like that and pray that we never will. This is one of those times when I think but for the Grace of God…..

      Before I read your response I was thinking maybe of sending her an email to just let her know that they’ve have been and will be in my prayers. Do you think that’s too impersonal?

  2. Thank you hun 🙂 It is something that you learnt to accept over time and while no other children take that babies place, they do help heal. Personally I believe God had His reasons and that one day I will still get my baby (2 in my case) and be a mummy to them (both were boys).

    I think you already know what to do here, you are following your own heart and that is the only real advice I could offer, it will never fail you 😉

    Debs 🙂

    • I sent her an email and told her I was sorry for her loss, that I can’t imagine what she’s feeling right now and to just ler know they are in my prayers and if there was anything I could do for her to let me know. Thanks for your input Debs, I appreciate it.

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