Confessions of an Unintentional Domestic Goddess

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Thank you God

on August 1, 2010

You know, I’ve always known how blessed I am to be married to my husband. He is my best friend and what I would wish for all of my friends. He doesn’t try to make me into who he wants me to be, he builds me up when I’m down, he makes me laugh, and I have never ever questioned his love for me or dedication to our marriage or family.  He supports me in my endeavors and tells me he loves me every day when he leaves for work and when we go to sleep. That’s not to say he won’t call me out on something if he doesn’t agree with my idea or if he thinks there’s a different way to go about accomplishing something. We have discussions. We don’t fight. We never have. Yes, I have been known to get angry, or upset about something. But we have rational conversations to get things resolved. We’ve been together for 14 years now and they have simply flown by. sometimes it feels like only yesterday we got married, and others, it really seems like forever, only because life before him feels like a dream, a former life, almost.

Sometimes it just takes one thing to remind you of how fortunate you are. We were with some people yesterday we’ve known for a very long time, a married couple. They have been having difficulties in their marriage for a while. I really do my best to stay out of it, it’s not my place to insert myself into someone else’s relationship. but sometimes you just get caught in the middle accidentally.  They don’t talk to each other, one wants something very desperately that the other has no interest in and won’t even attempt to compromise. And I found out something else yesterday that is very disturbing. One told me that the spouse didn’t want to stay together if the other wouldn’t take the antidepressants that have been prescribed. Really? I love you, sort of, but if you stop taking your meds, I”m outta here? I was incredibly saddened to learn of this. I know everything is essentially here say in situations like that, but it’s really hard to discount what I was told.

As I was tossing and turning in my bed last night, unable to sleep thinking of this revelation, I prayed. I thanked God for giving me such a wonderful husband and partner in life. And I prayed that God give them the ability to open up to one another and try to work through their difficulties.  And if they are unable to work things out, to at least try, give their marriage a fair shot. I understand sometimes, you just can’t fix it, but you never know if you don’t try. I know pretty much for a fact that the spouse who gave the medication ultimatum doesn’t feel any responsibility for the  problems in their marriage. You can’t fix something when you don’t acknowledge there is a problem. One thing I have learned in my short life, it takes two people to do most things, fight, make a baby, carry on a conversation. So all problems in a relationship can’t be blamed solely on one person. I really care about what happens to them and there are children involved which makes it even more stressful. When we go to mass today, I will say an extra prayer for them and pray that God opens both of their eyes and hearts to what they can have and what needs to be done.

6 responses to “Thank you God

  1. Caroline says:

    You don’t know how lucky you are. I thought I had a similar marriage to yours. Well I did. Until 17 months ago! So hang on to it and keep talking. I just wish we had! What follows is so totally unbelievably horrendous – something I wouldn’t wish on anyone!

    Good luck. It’s lovely to hear about happy people

    • I’m so sorry to hear you’ve had a bad time. I really hate hearing about divorces, even from people I don’t know. My parents divorced when I was 13 and it was devastating on that side, I can’t begin to imagine how difficult it would be to on the other side. I told my husband about my post and we both feel so blessed to have found each other. Sometimes it is hard work, but things worth having are worth working for. I hope you are able to heal and move on with your life.

  2. Cindy Holman says:

    Great article – yes it is sad when couples have problems – but most of us are not immune to problems and external factors contributing to our marriages. I’ve been married for 29 years to an amazing guy – but we aren’t perfect and neither was our relationship over the years – I had learned to ‘stuff’ things really well and didn’t realize how unhappy I’d become. But things came to a head about a year and a half ago – and we needed to reevaluate our marriage and made a decision to really work through the issues that threatened to tear our marriage apart. Now I can honestly say that our marriage was saved and it better than it ever has been. We have logged thousands of hours talking and connecting and changing together to make the next season of our lives great. But sadly – not all partners want to change and do the work that it takes after a hurtful situation happens to shake the marriage to its foundation – and that’s usually when people divorce. We were lucky – God is gracious and I have an amazing forgiving guy. ♥

    • I’m so happy to hear that Cindy. The divorce rate in our country is just so high, too many people don’t realize what’s happening until it’s too late, or even really think of it as something temporary or disposable, which is just really tragic. Of course I wish this couple could work things out, but it really takes two people to do that as well. When my husband and I got married we promised each other we were in it for the long haul and the ‘D’ word was not an option. I know people say things like that all the time, but then situations change, events take place that make us re-evaluate what we’ve said. How would I react? I cant’ say, I am very thankful I’ve never been in that situation. Almost like saying something about a child or being a mother, ‘I would never allow my child to do _____’ or ‘My children would never do_____’, you never really know how you’ll react in a given situation. I just keep saying my prayers for them because they both need it. It just really breaks my heart to think things have started down a negative road for these people.

  3. Caroline says:

    Have just read all the comments. I think my husband is having a complete ‘mid-life crisis’. I so believe we could work through the issues but he has to want to as well. And – at the moment – he doesn’t. I don’t even think he is particularly happy. But he has to find his own route. All I can do is ‘get on with my life’ – what ever that means and hope, for his sake, he comes to terms with his own demons.

    • Caroline, I bet you’re right. It was something new and exciting and flattering. But eventually reality will set in and hopefully sooner rather than later he’ll see what kind of person she is and come to his senses. You’re right, you must carry on and who knows what will happen. I wish you the best.

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