Confessions of an Unintentional Domestic Goddess

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Observations from the swimming pool

on July 22, 2010

It’s hot this summer. Stick-your-head-in-the-oven hot. For years I was convinced that I didn’t want a swimming pool unless we could afford the pool boy to go with it. Well, a few weeks of a heat index hovering in the 450F range will change your mind pretty quickly! but since we aren’t movie-star rich, for now we’ll just have to settle for a visit to our local city pool. 

It’s so much nicer than the pool we had when I was growing up. It doubled as the high school swim team pool, so it was set up with locker rooms and bleachers. It was enclosed and the noise levels in there would reach  the ear bleed level the minute it opened. Our public pool is really nice, it has the gradual, beach like entry, two slides, two diving boards, a kiddy pool and a splash pad. See what I mean! We love it! Yesterday I loaded my pair and a spare to hit the crystal clear coolness for a fun afternoon.

Ok, first I just have to say, the only coolness you get at this point in time is if you let yourself bake and get really toasty and then jump in. Otherwise, it’s bath water. I”m almost surprised they weren’t handing out bars of soap on the way in!

I really like people watching and this is another good place to do that. Here are a few of my observations.

A guy sporting tattoos, nipple piercings and a beer belly, well, I don’t know exactly what to say. Kind of like a car wreck, you don’t want to look at him, but you can’t seem to look away.

The farther you are from high school, the younger the lifeguards look. I always thought they were so mature and grown-up. Ha ha! Yeah, for teenagers I guess!

You want your kids to stop spitting water on each other, and you, all you have to do is have them look around and see how many little kids are around and how many of them actually use the restrooms. Bet they don’t spit water any more!

If you’re saving a chair for someone, or just using the chair yourself, you need to put something on it, not just pull it closer to the chair with your junk on it, otherwise people like me are going to try to use it! Don’t get crabby when we do, k?

“Adult swim’ is ridiculous. The first 15 min of every hour, they blow the whistles and kick the kids out of the pool for  and adults only swim time. Stupid, really, I don’t think there were any adults there without children. HULLO, pool people! We don’t need adult swim time! We bring our kids to swim, we know they’re there! don’t call it adult swim when you really want it to be ‘snack bar break time’!

If you haven’t been in the sun all summer, use sunscreen, lots of it! And don’t forget to turn over! I saw one mom who was red on the front and white on the back. That’s no fun, and, well, not a good look! She looked like a half cooked hamburger!

If you’re older than about 20, a teeny, weeny, string bikini is hard to pull off.

Tattoos are everywhere! Man, I knew it had become really popular, but wow. The things you see on people are really incredible and odd. I could understand maybe your children’s b-day or something that’s really personal and sentimental like that. butterfly wings on your shoulder blades? A parrot on your hip? Barbwire around your bicep to make you look really tough (while eating a lollipop, chugging beer).  I thought once a very long time ago about maybe getting one. Long before they became so ubiquitous. But then I started thinking ahead, you remember I’ve told you about my brain vacations. I thought about when I’m an old granny lady and how they would look on skin like my grandmother’s, all wrinkled and hanging loose off my body. EEEWWW. And my loving grandchildren asking me what was the big dark blob on shoulder/hip/ankle. it makes me shudder just thinking of it! Two of my best friends have them, in very private and inconspicuous locations. That’s their gig. Not for me, thanks!

One more thing. If you are at a swimming pool with children, you are going to get wet, so just deal with it! It really makes me shake my head when I see the mom with the hair/makeup perfect getting upset because someone splashed her. Really? You are at a public swimming pool and don’t want to get wet? You are so in the wrong place!

Oh yeah, we just realized school’s starting in about a month! I don’t know if I should be sad that summer’s nearly over, or jumping with joy because it’s nearly over!

4 responses to “Observations from the swimming pool

  1. Lol I love your people watching review!! I love to do that too… though not at a pool cos we only have indoor ones here (well we do have out door ones but just not near where i live!) and well its not the same…parents are in the pool or sat on the side reading a book,not much to reveiw other than ‘boring’!!! lol

    As for the heat…darn I wish we had some…that would be a good start…in fact i’d be happy with a 12″ deep paddling pool if we could have some hot weather back again!! Lol


  2. I was laughing with my friend last night that I must be twisted when I thought a heat index of 102 ‘wasn’t bad’! I guess I”m becoming conditioned to it, although I could be totally happy somewhere that the highs are mid 80’s for summer and 40’s for winter! I hope you get some warmth. Does it ever get very hot where you are? Hey, let’s make a trade, I’ll send you some heat and you can send us some cooler weather!

  3. hahaha tell ya, my eyes almost popped out at the thought that 102 even exists anymore!! lol we had a great 2/3 weeks last month, soo hot it was great, but even though its warm now we are getting rain most days.

    lovin your trade idea…..i have a few tons of cool weather already on its way to ya!!! lol 😀

  4. YAY! Cool weather would be lovely, even only for a few days.

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