Confessions of an Unintentional Domestic Goddess

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It’s All About the Choices

on July 21, 2010

I read a blog post a few days ago (that’s you Debs) about having to make a painful choice, which made me sort of re-visit my life. It really is all about the choices we make, and living with the consequences of those choices. Every morning, I can choose to be happy or not. Some things are beyond my control, the weather, what my children do, etc. Really the only thing we can control is our choices and our reactions to those choices. Yes, I have been in the pits of depression, and it’s not fun. It’s a self-perpetuating cycle, a downward spiral into a deep dark place that just isn’t pretty. I feel very fortunate in that I was able to pull myself out of it without the assistance of medications or therapy. I know not everyone can do that.

In talking with some of my friends, I can see the choices that they make and how their lives are affected. it’s easy to be objective when it’s not your life that’s under the microscope. One friend chooses to leave her reproductive life in the hands of her doctor, rather than taking an active role in her own life. Another friend chose to leave one job for another, altering her potential for advancement. Many relationships are based on choices. No, we can’t choose our family (too bad!) but we can choose whom we allow into our lives. I’ve been in several relationships, romantic and platonic, in which I realize that the other person is truly weighing me down with their attitude/drama/crap and I just don’t need that in my life. I don’t want to share my life with negative people whose only pleasure in life is to see me unhappy. Life is just too short for that. The same goes for ‘friends’ who don’t really want to be friends unless there’s something in it for them, or it’s convenient. Cut them loose and move on, they’re not worth your time.

What about the choice to turn right or left, go a different way home or to work that puts you in a position to maybe aid someone in need. Or puts you in the wrong place at the wrong time and you’re in an accident. To me, that last choice leads into the game of ‘what if’. And that’s a rabbit hole right there. Have you ever chosen to go a different way home from work, only to get home and find out there was a deadly car accident at the time you normally pass through an intersection? We were driving home from Florida a few years ago and chose to stay at the park a bit longer than we’d planned. On our way to the interstate, we heard on the radio about a deadly multicar accident that was where we were going and happened approximately when we would’ve been in that location if we had not chosen to change our plans by an hour. We potentially could’ve been in it, or witnessed it. I don’t think I’d like either of those. My husband was in a serious car accident last year that totaled our car and left him with a broken him at the tender age of 42 because the driver of the other vehicle chose not to stop when pulling into a parking lot. Thankfully, my honey is fine now, but it was very terrifying to receive that phone call and to deal with the aftermath.

There are other choices I see, mainly in the health of people and some of them really kind of amaze me. I’m sure you know someone who is on cholesterol medication and continues to eat whatever they want because ‘the medicine will take care of it.’ Or how about the ones who are diabetic and eat whatever catches their fancy with the same thought, ‘the medicine will take care of it.’  That thought is a fallacy, pure and simple. Those conditions will continue to damage the body even when the medicine is ‘taking care of it’. 

Don’t even get me started on smokers. They know for a fact that cigarette smoking causes cancer, kills people daily in various painful & hideous ways, and yet they continue to do it. Our state has a totally free smoking cessation program and I wish more people would take advantage of it. Since you asked, yes, I used to smoke.  And when my children ask me why, I say flat out, I was ‘stupid’. It was a terrible choice. There’s that word again. However, after having a gross anatomy class and seeing first hand  the damage from smoking, I chose to quit. I didn’t want my lungs to turn to jelly or to be the little old lady carrying the oxygen tank.

Much of our current economic condition can be traced back to choices people made. Poor choices to live beyond their means, charging credit cards to the max and buying houses they knew they were truly unable to afford. the part of the whole housing bubble that disgusts me, besides the questionable lending practices, is the people who signed on the dotted line to buy a house that in normal conditions would be out of their reach.  It was incredibly irresponsible on parts of both the lenders and the people, they are both equally culpable in the situation.

On the other hand some positive choices:  My BFF chose to take control of her life and not let someone else tell her what she should do or who she was.  I chose to walk away from my practice nearly 7 years ago because my children needed me more than my patients did. I have not regretted it for one second. The first real grown up romantic relationship I had, he chose to call me the next day. I chose to move out of state a couple of times and it changed my life for the better and I really believe those choices have helped me become the person I am today. My husband chose to accept a job transfer to a city he’d never lived in, setting in motion the rest of our lives together.

Life is all about the choices. Today, I choose to be happy and thankful and enjoy the day with my children. And stay away from the junk food. What about you? What will you choose?

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7 responses to “It’s All About the Choices

  1. Cindy Holman says:

    Great article – you think and write very similar to me. I agree with making choices – everyday. And I’ve been in a dark place – trusted the wrong person with my feelings and emotions and learned a valuable lesson – it took a toil on my marriage of almost 29 years in the process – but then I came out stronger and the winner because I decided it was not the end for me – but only the beginning. Betrayal from a trusted friend can leave you handicapped forever – but with God on my side and the love of a good man – and MANY great friendships – I will be okay – every day stronger. Lesson learned.

    • It is so true and I try to hammer that home to my kids every single day. When they choose to misbehave, they get to deal with the consequences. they are still young, almost 10 and 7, so it’s a tough lesson they get on a nearly daily basis! So sorry to hear you had a bad experience with a ‘friend’. People who behave that way and call it friendship are just rotten and give a bad name to the people who are good and really want to be your friend.
      Thanks for the compliments!

  2. Hehe I feel amost famous now with my name up there!!!! 😉 Lol

    I’m glad you blogged about your thoughts/opinions on choices too…I am always acutely aware that each and every choice I make has a consequence/reaction and sometimes I have to do things I really dont want to…but it works out well when weighing up the reasons in the first place.

    The bigger picture, which you have covered more so than what I did, leaves me feeling daunted, so many wrong choices affect us almost regularly and sometimes I just want to scream ‘what on earth were you thinking?’ but most times that wouldn’t be affective cos the damage is done.

    The good thing about choices is we gain experiences, good and bad, and if we are somewhat sensible we can prevent repeated mistakes and really get on with it.

    Still loving your blog…even though I dont get to visit very often (or other blogs for that matter, I seem to have a bloghopathon every now and again but I do get there in the end!! Lol

    Debs

  3. Thanks Debs! I try to learn from every poor choice I make and try to hammer that home to my children. When they get into trouble or get hurt b/c of a choice they made, I always ask them what they’ve learned from it. It may hurt the first time, but hopefully, they’ll understand that with knowledge comes understanding and the next time they see that same scenario begin to play out, they’ll remember what happened the first time around and the consequences and make the right choice.

  4. I totally agree….we sound rather similar when it comes to our children, as hard as it is to see them upset even they have to learn their way…and most do,thankfully.
    My daughter (14) wanted a heart to heart the other night (well it was 2am in fact!) so she spent almost 2 hours pouring her heart out to me, cried, laughed and made decisions….all while I just listened. I was amazed at not only her feelings but how she processed them and recognised that some small choices made her unhappy too…of course it’s a relief when we can see our kids learn what we know is right but gosh we do worry while they’re getting there!! 😉 lol

  5. Debs it sounds like your daughter is a very wise young lady to be able to recognize the connection between choices and consequences. You’ve done a good job, and I”m sure even though you must’ve been crazy tired, you were proud of her! Well done!

  6. hi
    yes she can be! lol but like (i hope) other 14 yr old girls she can fall into a trap too…of which she has just gotten out of the latest. thankfully.
    thank you! i learnt long ago that its not till they grow up and start carving their own lives and routines that you really see how affective your parenting is…my older 2 boys are give me sighs of relief….so i’m hoping for child #3 and #4 to be ok too!!! LOL gosh this parenting is so hard work eh? 😉 lol
    xx

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