Confessions of an Unintentional Domestic Goddess

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Here’s Your (Road) Sign

on July 12, 2010

In my previous post, I mentioned my road trip to St Louis. It is a 6 hour drive each way, which is not terrible and certainly not the longest road trip I’ve ever done solo. I guess I’ve hit the age that I really kind of, oh, analyze I guess, the signs I see along the way. Now something you need to know about me, my mind goes on strange little road trips of its own occasionally, and I get these odd, random thoughts. I’d just like to share with you some of the signs, real, live, billboards I saw on the highway that made me go ‘hmmmmm’.

‘Black Market Fireworks’   WHAT? Um, I’m no pyrotechnic expert, but it doesn’t sound like that’s where you would want to buy them. Are they the factory seconds? Have they been smuggled into the country by some unnamed shadowy person or made in a questionable facility? Maybe they’re the ones with only a partial fuse, or have been water damaged and no one knows if they’ll go off.

‘Adult Superstore’  Does that mean they have adults for sale? Any size, shape, color or age that you may want?  The companion to this one is the ‘Gentlemen’s Club’ I’m sorry, but if you’re a ‘gentleman’ you’re sure as hell not patronizing this joint! They should call it what it really is, ‘The place where lonely, creepy guys go to get even more sexually frustrated’

‘Cheese Outlet’  All I can say about this is, EW! Is this the stuff that’s only just a little moldy? Only a day past the sell date? Or maybe it’s the package marked ‘defective’ because a kid took a bite out of one end? You know, I’m what I call thrifty, but I”m not so cheap I think I need to buy my cheese at an ‘outlet’!

‘Walnut Bowls-Factory Seconds’ So, do these bowls sit just a little funny? Maybe they have just  a tiny hole in the side so the soup leaks out slowly?

‘Redneck Tractor Sales’ Ok, I’m just guessing here, and if I’m wrong please tell me, if you’re buying a tractor, there’s a pretty good chance you’re a redneck!

YOU ARE ON A TURNPIKE IN OKLAHOMA Ok, so maybe there’s not a sign that says that, but, chances are, if you are on one of our turnpikes there’s a pretty high likelihood that you’re driving through construction. Also known as ‘one-guy-working-his-arse-off-while-10-guys-stand-around-watching’. The other thing it could be is the orange barrel storage. I have a theory about that, when you drive for miles, and I mean MILES, on a single lane of a two-lane highway  with the other lane blocked off by those freaking orange barrels.  And when you get to the end, guess what! There’s NO WORK BEING DONE! GRRR! That’s one of my big pet peeves! See, my theory is that they don’t have anywhere to store those damned things when they’re not needed, so they just decide to screw with us and put them out anyway! It’s a conspiracy, I tell ya!

This is not a sign that I saw, but many, many moons ago, I drove from Oklahoma to California,  I told you I’ve had much longer road trips! So on this trip, we’re driving thru New Mexico, or maybe it was Arizona I can’t remember exactly, but we were in the desert and had to stop for gas. We pull into this place and I’m feeling kind of like I’m at Hotel California. I go inside to pay (I told you it was many moons ago!) and behind the counter on one side is liquor, hard liquor, and on the other side you have your basic firearms and ammo. Wow! This is a total redneck place! You can get everything you need in one spot! You can gas up your pickup, get the ammo you need to go hunt down some poor defenseless animal, and the bottle of whiskey you need to wash down the manly feeling you get killing said animal. I’m not in Oklahoma anymore, Toto!

See what I mean? My mind just goes on its own little vacations sometimes and I have no control over it! So, do tell, what’s the strangest sign you’ve seen on the road?

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4 responses to “Here’s Your (Road) Sign

  1. Now I understand why your blogs yesterday pulled me to you. Your a nut too, lol. I love reading this blog. I actually read it twice. It started off my day with a good laugh. I too have an interest in signs because as you mention above it can be interpret in many ways, different, and can give someone a good laugh if not smile…sometime can stress someone out like “detour”, lol. Great blog!
    I actually think I will start reading at least one a day if that is alright:)

    • Thanks for the compliments! Yep, my mind takes frequent vacations all by itself and it seems I’m powerless to stop it! I’d love to have you read every day, the more the merrier! And besides, if I can give someone a good laugh, that is wonderful! Have you checked out any of my ‘Observations’?

  2. Oh ya, your link under your comment is weird. It jump to blog to blogs less than 5 second.

  3. No, I have never seen any of what you mention personally except for the signs of work is being done on the road and no one is there but one side of the freeway is block. Also the one or two people working meanwhile the other guys are in a group chatting away, lol. These I have observe but the rest no. But I can surely tell you the day I see the signs you mentioned above I am going to laugh my butt of “I so wish literally sometime”, lol and think about you:)

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