Confessions of an Unintentional Domestic Goddess

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Observations from a bar

on July 11, 2010

This weekend I went to visit a good friend of mine in St Louis. It was a well-deserved girl’s weekend for us both. I mean really, she’s a working mom with two kids who is doing a temp single-parent thing while her husband has run away to ‘work’ out of the country. And well, my kids are out of state with my folks and my husband is working all weekend, sounds like a perfect time for a girls weekend!!!

We hit a bar because there was an awesome band playing. And what kind of music did they play, you ask? Only the best kind of music there is, 80’s! I could not stop smiling, it was cracking me up! I felt like a kid again and yet, like I was way old at the same time. The other thing that had me cracking up: the people. I have not been to a bar like that in, oh, about 50 years, and it was really very entertaining.  I’d like to share with you my humble observations, from the perspective of a married 40-something.

1. I don’t care how cute it looks in the magazine or what your friends may tell you, tube tops are never a good look. If your friend says it looks good on you, she’s lying to your face! Get a new friend!

2. When wearing said tube top, if you wear a cup size bigger than an A, you must, and I mean MUST wear a bra! Those girls were not meant to mingle with your belly button in public.

3. Every girl needs either a mirror that will tell the God’s honest truth about what she’s wearing, or a really good friend who will actually tell her that no, the  maxidress is not a good look for all 5’2″ of her.

4. When a rap/dance song comes on and you are over 25, white, balding and paunchy, don’t try to act all hip and gangsta like you’re black. You just look stupid. Oh, and guess what! You’re not black!

5. When you’re wearing a Harley shirt with the sleeves cut off to show off your tats and your ‘guns’, eating a lollipop in between swigs of beer makes you look totally gay, tats or not.

6. Old guys wearing tie dye and tops hats look creepy and should not be allowed in the door.

7. When you’re the idiot guy in the sleeveless Harley shirt eating a lollipop, you might want to think  before asking the guy who’s twice your size to move over so you can ogle the broad in front of him with her ‘girls’ on display, it could be his wife!

8. No matter how cute your strappy sky-high heels may be, they are gonna make your feet freaking hurt, don’t wear them. You look really weird standing on the dance floor, feet glued in one spot and you’re just  bouncing. Bouncing does not = dancing.

9. The 70’s are over, you can shave your pork chop side burns and cut your hair, the Doobie Brothers are so over.

10. Smoking will kill you. Oh, and everyone around you who gets the pleasure of breathing your pollution too. Just stop, or better yet, don’t start. And no matter how sexy/cool/tough you think it makes you look, you’re wrong. It makes you look gross and unattractive. Not to mention stupid.

11. I had a fun time people watching, but man, am I ever glad I”m married! I had really forgotten what that whole scene was like. Let me tell ya, going home smelling like an ashtray really sucks! Ick!

If you have an interesting bar-type observations, please, do share!

4 responses to “Observations from a bar

  1. valcitygal says:

    LMAO What a hilarious post! You had me laughing out loud 🙂

    I love the tube top one – seriously…that’s a style that’s worn by too many, and too wrong. And the lollipop dude…omg. Talk about an image-buster!

    At least the outing was entertaining!

  2. Thanks! It was very entertaining! I forgot how much fun people-watching is! I know I’m probably not the most fashionable at times, but I do own a mirror and i use it regularly! 😀

  3. Alright, my husband just told me he thinks I’m racist, which I am so not. So just to be clear, men who are over 25, balding, paunchy and white are totally allowed to like rap/dance music. But….when they start trying to act like gangstas, it looks ridiculous, I’m just sayin….

  4. An addition I should make along the maxidress line. The looooong skirts that so many people love for summer, unless you’re like 6’3″, don’t even bother! With all that fabric and only your feet poking out of the bottom, it makes you look like a stump with feet! You have no legs, only skirt and feet between your top and bottom!

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